Threads & Heartstrings
by Moranth
Summary: The threads of life and love rarely remain uncrossed. The heart wants what it wants. Do you go with what you feel or with what you think is right? Thane K./F!Shep/Garrus V. Multiple P.O.V.s.
1. On The Contrary

Qynn Shepard had never been so lost in her life.

_No, scratch that._

The slaver attack on Mindoir that had turned her life upside down; leaving friends and family dead or taken to parts unknown had been the worst thing she had ever gone through, her present situation ran a close second.

Why could nothing in her life be easy? The chaos she unintentionally kicked up hovered around her like a proverbial raincloud. She was starting to wonder if she enjoyed it on a subconscious level. Everything eventually turned into a tangled mess despite her best efforts to keep it together each and every time.

Her Thessian Sunfish swam in a tight group around the tank, oblivious and unconcerned with events that transpired on the other side of the glass. She watched on, envious that she did not have that luxury.

Things were just beginning to fall into place. She had the Council and, potentially, the Alliance on her side, but now she was on the verge of losing what mattered most to her; her crew.

How could she let it come to this?

She and her team had just scraped by with a victory; the Collectors' base had been reduced to crumbling rubble orbiting a dying star, and they had made it safely back through the Omega 4 relay. They'd put a stop to the human abductions for the time being and there were no casualties to speak of, unless you counted the Normandy.

The last-minute upgrades had saved their asses, but the ship had suffered some critical damage. It was barely able to limp its way back to the Citadel with a breached hull and one of the engines was out of commission. The trip would take them twice as long to reach the station as it had to leave it, but she wasn't complaining. She was merely grateful that they'd all survived.

Now came the hard part: What did they do next?

Telling the Illusive Man to take a walk had seemed like a good idea at the time, but hindsight was 20-20. Without his funds and information, they were as good as dead. She wasn't even sure they had enough resources to get the ship repaired, let alone rally any forces towards their cause. Anxiety gnawed at her mind as their objective seemed to slip further from their collective grasp. There was no way they could save humanity with one severely broken ship.

Miranda, ever forward thinking and dutiful, insisted that she had everything well in hand. The only thing the Commander needed to worry herself with was being ready when the time came, but that was easier said than done.

Under any other circumstances, that would have been a good deal. Qynn hated all the bureaucratic crap that came with trying to get things in order and usually, she would have been more than happy to let Miranda handle it, but she found herself was reluctant to become so complacent. That was when you ran into problems.

Despite her Executive Officer's assurances, the Spectre decided to take matters into her own hands. For the last hour, she'd been sending out feelers, looking for anyone of rank who might still hold her in some regard and would give her the time of day.

Humans were the Reapers' primary target now, due in no small part to her, and the Alliance needed to take action. It came as no surprise that the top brass would be more inclined to listen to someone with tenure than someone who'd been flagged as working with Cerberus. A few names sprung to mind, but pursuing them would be fruitless. Most of them had been teachers at the academy, others she's served under before she worked with Anderson; she had no way to contact them, no way to find out what ships they were on or if they were still serving at all.

She only had one concrete lead that she knew would yield results. He was her best lead and the person she least wanted to contact; Kaidan Alenko.

Qynn wasn't upset that they were no longer together; on the contrary, she understood it perfectly.

There hadn't been much holding them together from the start other than them being in a confined space for extended periods of time. They had been attracted to each other, that much was obvious, but it wasn't enough to build something that would last.

They were two very different people, from different backgrounds and different sets of ideals. There were times when she thought she knew him, but he'd showed her just how wrong she was back on Horizon.

If the tables had been turned, she would have believed him. She would have listened to what he had to say and reserved judgment instead of flying off the handle and being angry with him for things that were not in his control. That was the difference between them; he was too hot-tempered. The man she'd thought she'd known when they took on Saren was gone, jaded by the world he'd seen in her absence. She didn't begrudge him that. Two years was a long time, and time changes people. It would have never worked between them, she'd realized, though the knowledge did nothing to ease her temper.

Her tired gaze fell on the clock displayed on the bottom of her terminal that she'd been sitting in front of for the last hour. She'd been trying to think of what to say to him, but there had been no progress to speak of. She'd hunted through her read messages until she came across his, taking his extranet address from it.

She didn't know why she read it again and again. It just stirred up more bad feelings. Four messages had been written and deleted, too riddled with profanities to send.

Hate was far too strong a word to describe her attitude towards Alenko; resent implied she still harbored feelings for him -albeit negative ones- which wasn't quite right, either. The discourtesy of the whole thing was what got to her.

Where did he get off treating her like that? Hadn't they been friends before they'd become lovers? Did he consider her feelings at all before he'd thrown those disparaging remarks at her?

If he were there now she would have slapped the crap out of him and told him to get his head out of his ass and open his eyes. Fortunately, for him, millions of miles separated them at the moment so a message would have to suffice.

She sipped at her tumbler of warm tequila and grimaced as it burned its was down her throat. It tasted awful but she forced it down, the bolstering side effects worth the pain. As she looked over the rim of her glass, her gaze fell upon the prone form of the sleeping drell in her bed.

He'd tried to stay awake with her in a show of moral support, if she needed it, but he'd succumbed to fatigue soon after he arrived. The last few weeks hadn't been easy for anyone aboard the Normandy and the worst was yet to come. They all needed to find solace where they could find it.

A broad grin crossed her features as she watched him breathe tranquilly. The sporadic naps he'd grown accustomed to in his line of work were replaced with a deep, restful sleep. She was glad that he was finally able to relax enough to let himself truly rest, even more so that he'd found that peace with her.

He'd come into her life at a time when she wasn't looking for love, but she was far from inconvenienced, she grateful for him just the same.

Through hours of conversation, they'd found that they truly complimented each other; both understood and regretted the need for people like themselves, but it was a sacrifice they both made willingly; she because she resolved to try to prevent the events of Mindoir from happening somewhere else in the galaxy, and he because that's what he'd been raised to do.

He understood her soft heart and she did not have to hide it in front of him. Instead, he cared for her because of it, and she felt the same for him.

A pang of guilt jolted her as her thoughts wandered and she considered who else might have been laying there if not for the odd twist of fate.

_You're tired and thinking about stupid things. Get this done and go to bed!_

She set down her glass and set to work, attacking the task at hand.

_Kaidan,_

_Before you get all up in arms, let me say that this is not an attempt to visit the past. I just have something I need to say and I need you to take me seriously._

_No matter what your feelings are towards Cerberus or me, we have bigger problems. I need you for this fight. The Collectors were working under the influence of the Reapers. They were taking colonist and performing experiments on them, changing them into something not human._

_You were with me on Ilos. You saw what happened to the Protheans there, how they were changed, mutated. I've attached some footage taken on the Collector's base so you can see for yourself._

_There's more where that came from if you need further convincing._

_I know you're ultimately going to make your own choice, but as someone who served with you, as a friend, I'm telling you not to just take what you're told._

_Think for yourself, you'll see that I'm right._

_You know how to reach me._

_Qynn_

It was far from eloquent, but it would have to be good enough. She just hoped she didn't sound like a lunatic. She jammed the _Enter_ key and sent the message on its way before she lost her nerve and deleted it like all the rest.

The screen went dark again as she sat in silence, evaluating what she'd just done. Assuming Kaidan would have someone he could go to was a long shot, if he read her message at all. If he didn't, there were still other avenues to explore. They might be sparse in number, but a slim chance was better than no chance at all.

Satisfied that she'd accomplished what she set out to do, she drained the rest of her glass and crept into bed, taking care not to wake the sleeping assassin.

As she drew the sheets up to her chest, Thane's arms curled around her waist as he pulled her body against his. He murmured something into the crook her neck, too far gone to be coherent. All of the bitterness that had built up over the last hour slipped away, as she felt his warmth enveloping her.

It all seemed like a waste of time now, when she could have been lying here with him instead of brooding.

It wasn't a mistake she'd make again.

There were only so many things she could do in an evening. Anything else would keep until morning.


	2. You've Really Got A Pair

Alcohol was evil.

Liquor, wine and all of its other aliases could all just go straight to Hell. Qynn didn't know why she bothered with it at all; she always regretted it the next morning. But it was better than the alternative; staying up all night wondering if she was doing the right thing.

She hated the fact that so many things were beyond her control, so she set out to change the things she could, her state of sobriety being one of them.

Her head throbbed painfully as she stepped off the elevator, her eyes unable to adjust to the bright lights of the crew deck fast enough. Any plans to slink into the mess hall and back out again were quickly laid to rest as she was met by a barrage of crewmen, leaving as she was coming in.

All of their faces swam up to her in a dizzying rush, making a bad situation worse. Even without the hangover, she would have been in pain. The biotic implant Cerberus had fitted her with had been giving her grief since she'd woken up on Lazarus station all those weeks ago. It was one of many upgrades they'd made without her permission that she wasn't exactly thrilled with. Even though she'd been in no condition to give her consent it if they'd asked, she wished they'd left well enough alone.

"Morning, Commander," Gardner said warmly as she stepped up to his counter. His good cheer wasn't as infectious as he might have hoped and she found herself wincing. It must have been more exaggerated than she intended, because his face was full of concern when he asked, "Did you sleep well?"

"As well as can be expected," Qynn mumbled as she rubbed at the back of her neck. Little bursts of electricity made the muscles jump and made them sore. She'd need to get the damned thing calibrated; sooner rather than later.

"Well that's no good," the mess sergeant admonished and slid a mug of coffee across the counter. Qynn caught it and quickly raised it to her lips, taking a greedy sip. She sighed as the warmth spread through her, holding the nagging pain at bay. "You tell that drell to give you a night off every once in a while. We need you in top form!" He gave a knowing nod as he set down a tray, heavy with food in front of her.

The Spectre nearly dropped her coffee, her body racked with dry coughs. Did everyone know? They hadn't been trying to keep their relationship a secret, but they hadn't announced it to the crew either, not that it was really any of their business. She wouldn't let her personal life interfere with the mission, no one needed to know more than that.

She thanked Gardner for the food and hurriedly put as much space between her and the mess sergeant as possible before he noticed the blush that crept up her neck.

Qynn took a seat at an already unoccupied table, grateful that breakfast was over and the din of conversation died down as crewmen left to start their shifts.

She hadn't eaten a proper meal in days, too busy with trying to make herself useful. She knew she should be famished, yet as appealing as the spread was, she had no appetite. Gardner had employed all of his culinary skill and to his credit, it was good considering what he had to work with, yet she couldn't enjoy it. She forced down a few bites before giving up all together and settled for pushing the food around her tray.

"Mind if I join you?"

She looked up to see Jacob hovering beside the seat opposite her, his own tray stacked high with food. Pointing with a forkful of powdered eggs, she gestured to the empty bench across from her.

"I see Gardner got to you, too," he said with a grin as he slid onto the seat. This had become their routine. At least once a week they met each other down here and just chewed the fat about everything from mission specs to ship gossip. It was a welcome bit of normalcy in her otherwise turbulent existence.

Shepard grinned, "I get that we have that whole, advanced metabolism thing, but this is pushing it."

"Maybe he's just a fan." The operative nodded towards the scene unfolding at the counter.

Garrus had his arms full trying to juggle a datapad and a heavily laden tray full of dextro foods.  
Qynn chuckled at the turian's distress. "Maybe. I can't say that I blame him, though. Almost getting turned into goo can give a man a new lease on life."

Jacob nodded his mouth too full to speak.

As they ate in silence, the operative's brows knitted together as he focused intently on the act of chewing. He'd masticated the same bite of food about twenty times by her count. Qynn had seen this behavior before. He was occupying his mouth to keep from sticking his foot in it. It was driving her crazy. If he had something to say, she wished he'd just say it.

"Would you spit it out already?" she said when it became too much.

He jumped, startled by her sudden outburst. He took a long swallow of what must have been no more than sludge by now.

"Permission to speak freely, ma'am."

Qynn waved a hand, trying to clear his formality from the air. She knew he meant well, but she preferred to keep things casual. They were pretty much on a first name basis; he should be more relaxed than that.

"What's on your mind, Taylor?"

He leaned forward, his jumpsuit almost in his plate. "You've really got a pair."

Hot coffee burned the back of her throat as she snorted, caught off guard by the insinuation. She coughed and sputtered, as she tried to regulate her breathing. "I beg your pardon?"  
"Opposing the Illusive Man like that and not backing down, it took guts." Jacob shook his head with disbelief. "I don't know if I should call you fearless or crazy."

"Oh, she's definitely crazy," Garrus said as he slid onto the bench beside her, his own tray piled high with a wide array of dextro foods in shades of blues and purples, datapad tucked neatly under his arm. Qynn tried not to look at his plate as she always found the things he ate to be vastly unappealing to her human palette. Today was no different.

"Either way, you've got to admire the gall," Jacob said after he nodded to Garrus.  
"Sometimes you've just got to trust your gut," she pressed on, ignoring the former C-Sec agent's sass as she chewed a limp strip of bacon.

She glanced over as he began skimming his datapad, scrolling through screen-after-screen of foreign text. Since the chance of someone else being able to read turian text was slim, he could have been looking at anything; a letter from an old acquaintance, news from Palaven, a racy romance novel…

"Well, right now we're drifting through space in a crippled ship, we're not on good terms with our benefactor, and even if we were, the upcoming threat might still prove too much for us to handle," he said, trying to draw her attention away from his reading, and back on to something more important. "What's your gut telling you now?"

_That a certain turian should shut his mouth._

"Of course it's going to sound bad when you put it that way." She nudged him hard in the ribs; the action hurting her more than it did him. It hardly knocked him off balance. He and Jacob both looked at her expectantly.

She rubbed her sore elbow. "Right now, we're just taking inventory; seeing what info we can use and what we can't."

Neither of the men said a word, which didn't exactly imbue her with confidence.

"Things could be better, sure, but it was either this or stay at the mercy of Cerberus. No offense." She looked to Jacob, afraid that she'd said something she shouldn't have. The last thing she wanted to do was alienate one of the few people she felt comfortable with.

"None taken," he replied as he cracked a toothy grin. Qynn made a mental note to ask him how he achieved such a brilliant smile.

"The Illusive Man lost his focus," he agreed as he gathered up his empty cup and tray as he readied to stand. "He was more concerned with the tech than the people our efforts were supposed to be helping. Whatever we do, we're behind you, Shep. All of us. You gained a lot loyalty around here."

"Thanks," was all she could manage as he left.

That Jacob and the rest of the crew had come to trust her so implicitly made her voice catch in her throat. That they would follow her, doing what was right instead of defecting and doing what was dutiful touched her more than she thought was it probably should. She was too emotional for her own good. Maybe it was another side effect of her augmentations.

Every time she had to wipe out a merc base, she always pondered what repercussions her actions had somewhere in the galaxy. Was she depriving someone of a lover, a child, a father? Only her conviction to prevent others from having to go through what she had on Mindoir kept her moving forward, otherwise she would never have made it past kill one.

"So you're 'Shep' now, huh?" Garrus had abandoned the datapad and had started digging into his breakfast of odd purple meat. Shepard wished she'd kept her eyes on her own plate.  
Watching him eat was one thing that she'd never gotten used to. For all his civility and intellect the process made him look feral, dangerous, and only served to exacerbated the differences between them. She tried to push the thought out of her mind.

"Jealous?" she teased, as she watched the tables clear.

"Of what? Your 'fan boy'?" he scoffed, mandibles flaring with indignation. "I've already got my hands full, thank you. The last thing I need is someone following me around with his nose stuck to my backside."

"Yeah, you're jealous," she continued, disregarding his protest. "We can give you a nickname if that would help?" She tapped a finger against her chin as she thought it over. He busied himself with the datapad again, as if ignoring her would stop her from continuing. It didn't.

"How about 'Big V'?"

"How about no?"

She braced an arm on his shoulder as she pulled herself up from the table, her tray balanced in her other hand. "We'll keep working on it until we get it right."

"Shepard," Garrus grasped her wrist, stopping her mid-stride. His grip was light, not exerting enough pressure for his talons to cut into her skin, but just enough to let her know he intended to keep her there a while longer.

"Those things I said," his voice wavered with hesitation, "You know I was joking, right?"

"Of course." She hoped she sounded reassuring, but to her own ears, she sounded flat.

"So we're OK, right?" The question hung in the air between them, demanding her attention that she didn't want to truly give it. There was no simple yes or no answer, and honestly, she'd tried not to think about it much these last few days.

If she'd known it would turn out like this, so forced, both of them afraid to be honest, she would have kept her feelings to herself. They were in an awkward holding pattern, but it was better than nothing. She gave him the answer she wanted to be true.

"Yeah, I think we're OK." 


	3. A Little Closer To Home

Garrus had gone back to the battery with the full intention of getting the cannon's alignment corrected before dinner, but he couldn't concentrate; his mind filled with a singular thought; his commander. He couldn't get her out of his mind; her laugh, the curve of her back as she walked away standing straight and tall and proud, the warmth of her skin under his fingertips as he'd held her wrist.

_If his current train of thought was any indication; things were far from "OK" between them._

It had been weeks since she'd come to visit him down in the battery and he didn't realize how much he missed her presence until he'd seen her again. Things had gotten weird between them and he couldn't shake the feeling that she was avoiding him, not that there wasn't much he could do about it. It was his fault.

He didn't have a penchant for humans, but this one was… different. He'd never met anyone like her, human or turian, and even though it sounded cliché, that didn't make it any less true.  
He'd become enamored with her from the moment they'd met; her sense of justice and duty, her morality, her sense of humor. Sometimes he'd wondered if she had been a turian in a previous life. Before he knew it, he'd come to think of her as more than just a squadmate, more than just a friend.  
He'd resigned himself to simply pining after her; the thought of her reciprocating his feelings never crossed his mind and he was OK with that. If he could help her in anyway, that would have made it all worthwhile. That's why it had been such a shock when she'd been the one to make the first move. He'd stood there, dumbfounded, with no idea what to do or say. When the words finally came, they weren't what he'd envisioned.

He'd never been good at relationships with females of his own species, let alone with a female of an alien race. He didn't want to disappoint her; He knew he wasn't what she was used to in a partner, even before he'd been disfigured; turians and humans had very different sets of physiology.  
How could they even make it work, if it came to that? Did humans express affection in ways he could reciprocate? What if he said something or did something wrong? His thoughts became so consumed with potential failures that he did the only thing made sense in his mixed up head: He pushed her away.

He hadn't turned her down outright, no dramatic storming out or anything like that. Every time tried to come onto him, he deflected her, in hopes that it would discourage her from going any further, even though every fiber of his being railed against it.

_I know you can find something a little closer to home._

Possibly the stupidest words he'd ever spoken, and it was too late to take them back. Shepard has moved on.

She and Thane seemed to be getting on pretty well.

They were discreet about their relationship, going so far as to not even be seen in the same place at the same time unless absolutely necessary, but there were signs.

The way his gaze always seemed drawn her, how he touched her on the rare occasions they let themselves be close enough to do so, even the drills trademark dourness was gone, replaced by a rather amicable attitude that made it hard to dislike him, even though Garrus felt he should.  
They seemed happy. Why couldn't he be happy for them?

The thought of them together made his heart ache, and nothing he'd tried seemed to ease it. He didn't have the right to be upset. He'd promised her things wouldn't get weird between them, but now he wasn't sure he could keep it.

_You could have been with her, but you blew it._

This wasn't the time for this. If she needed him, he needed to do his part. There was work to be done. They had to be ready.

The last thing he wanted was to become a burden to her.


	4. Nice To See You, Too

An arduous week later, the Normandy made berth on the Citadel. With barely a night cycle of rest, the crew was in motion, working to get estimates for the repairs that the ship so desperately needed; none of which required Qynn's supervision.

Parts needed to be ordered, technicians need to be found and hired. There were a million things that could have been done to speed up the process and she couldn't be useful for a single one; Miranda really did have things under control.

The prospect of idling away for an undetermined amount of time was not something she was looking forward to. She needed to make herself useful; she needed to be in action.

Anderson had left her an open invitation to visit him in his office whenever she was on the station and she intended to make good on that offer. The Presidium was only a short walk and a few elevator rides away from where they were docked; she could be there and back before she was missed.

Since it would be such a short trip, she settled on some fitted black pants, a pair of oversized boots, and a buttoned up shirt designed for a man twice her size. It was far from formal, but this wasn't a business call. Not officially.

She tucked her compacted, heavy pistol into the shaft of her boot as much out of precaution as of habit. It was comforting to feel its weight and know it was well within reach.

Her omnitool firmly affixed to her arm, she headed out of her cabin, her steps full of purpose as she bumped into Thane. He didn't even lose balance; he sidestepped, his empty hand taking the brunt of the attack. He threw out an arm and steadied her with his free hand.

"You're up early, Siha," he gibed as he righted the plate he carried. It was well past noon, by Citadel Standard Time.

Left with an open schedule, Qynn had spent long nights and late mornings doing nothing of worth but sleeping and playing on the Extranet until she thought she had seen it all while others were sticking to a far stricter regimen.

"Are you off to see your councilor?" he asked as he watched her help herself to his tray. She nodded.  
"I'd like to come along, if that's alright. I could do with stretching my legs and getting some fresh air… Well, fresher air."

"Sure," she managed after she took a sip from his mug. She couldn't recall what the tangy juice inside was called, but she remembered it was delicious.

"I might as well grab Garrus while I'm at it. I'm sure he could use the exercise."

"I don't think he'd appreciate you calling him out of shape," he corrected as more of the fruit disappeared.

"Meet me in the C.I.C. in ten," she continued as if she didn't hear him. She ducked into the elevator, en route to the battery and was gone.

/*/*/*/

Teaming with walks of life from all over the galaxy, the Citadel was the hub of civilization. You couldn't get far before you were swept up in the crowds. It was always so busy; its occupants too hurried and rushed to pay attention to anyone's needs but their own, too preoccupied to notice their fellow man. The whole place seemed artificial in every sense of the word. It was not Qynn's favorite place to be.  
Life on Mindoir had gotten her used to being planet side. The smell of clean un-recycled air, facing the elements with real, honest people; she'd take that over being cooped up here anytime. No matter how big it was, it was still just a big box to her, no matter how sprawling and monolithic.

The Presidium was just as she remembered it; filled with over ambitious politicians looking to cut deals at every corner to further their positions while stabbing someone else in the back, with smiles plastered on their faces all the while. The more things changed, the more they stayed the same.

They entered the lobby of Anderson's new office, so like every other office building she'd ever visited on the Citadel; furnished with art and flora from Earth, giving its alien patrons a taste of what the human home world and culture were like, but just the good parts. Qynn questioned the taste of whoever got to decide what the 'good parts' were.

The assistant seated at the desk kept her eyes down after catching a glimpse of the squad, ignoring them completely. Sure, they probably looked like a bunch of thugs; a scruffy looking human, flanked by two aliens carrying weapons, but imposing or not, that was no reason for her to be rude.

She could have been a beloved niece or daughter of some official in the building, dropping by for a visit, or worse, someone in trouble. This was the treatment someone looking for help could expect?

"Fall back, you guys. I'll see if Anderson's in."

"Shepard," Garrus warned, but she was already in motion.

Qynn strode up to the helpdesk with exaggerated finesse, her posture loose and sloppy. She ran a hand through her hair, teasing the longer strands of her Mohawk to stand at attention. She couldn't help the surge of pride as the secretary watched with dismay as she came towards her, Mohawk flying high.

Most people were surprised to see that she didn't sport the smooth sleeker styles of the 22nd century, but she'd never had a desire to be fashion forward.

A lot of old movies she'd watched as a kid that depicted an apocalyptic future, the Mohawk had seemed to be the style of the times. The destruction of civilization as they knew it having been averted, the acceptance of that particular style seemed to have disappeared, too.

Qynn leaned over the desk, her hands firmly planted on either side of a nameplate that was emblazoned with the name _Tiana._

"I need to see Councilor Anderson, please."

Tiana cleared her throat before she spoke, keeping her tone well within professional levels, despite the fact that her eyes were popping out of her head. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No-"

"The councilor is a very busy man," the shrewd young woman began, relief visible in all her features.

"You need to have an appointment, miss…?"

"Shepard; Commander Shepard, actually," she grinned as disdain was quickly replaced by dismay. "You can scan my identi-chip if you need to."

"I thought you were-"  
"Dead?" Qynn finished for her, unsurprised by her sudden loss of tact. "I think you'll find you can't believe everything you read."

The woman sat there, dumbfounded for a few moments before Qynn broke the silence.

"Do you need to see my ID?"

"N-no," she stammered, her fingers flying over the keys. "Just a moment, I'll let the Councilor know you're here."

"Thanks," she forced her best smile as shoved her hands in her pockets and meandered over to her cohorts. She tried not to look too pleased with herself but failed miserably.

Thane turned away from the Dali print he'd been admiring just seconds before. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you enjoyed that."

"Maybe a little," she admitted, running a hand through her hair to put it back in place. "She deserved it for being so... _snooty_."

"I've no doubt she deserved it, perhaps next time you could be a little less 'heavy handed'. After all, most people still believe you dead, and even fewer have ever seen you in person."

Garrus snorted, as he joined the conversation. "You're probably nothing like what she expected."  
Qynn shrugged. "Well she would have found out sooner or later."

"Commander Shepard?" Tianna said as she scurried over, still keeping her eyes averted from Garrus and Thane. "I'm sorry for the delay. The Councilor is currently out of his office, but he's on his way back right now. You can go ahead up and wait for him, if you like."

She didn't seem happy about having to kowtow to Shepard, but Qynn had no sympathy for her situation. She'd just have to get used to it.

/*/*/*/

A little known fact about Commander Shepard was that she was not a patient woman. She was never good at waiting, or keeping her hands to herself. She liked to be occupied; and Anderson's office scratched that very itch.

The walls were lined with plaques and medals showcasing a lifetime of achievements and she couldn't help but touch. There was a whole shelf filled with keepsakes from places the former Captain had visited during his career. But for all the trinkets and awards, the space seemed conspicuously absent of any personal effects or pictures of family and friends save for a few class pictures.

Qynn had just finished her second circuit of the room, when Anderson arrived, followed closely by Udina. Neither man looked very happy.

"What is _she_ doing here?" The ambassador snapped, without even looking at her.

"Nice to see you, too. A pleasure as always," she forced through clenched teeth.

Udina never cared much for Shepard. She didn't toe the line, she spoke out of turn, and he made it very clear how he felt about her choice of hair style.

Now that she was no longer of any use to him, he ignored her whenever possible, his attentions now turned to Anderson for furthering his agenda.

"Do you know how bad it looks for her to be here, looking like that?" He paced the small anteroom that served as the waiting area, "As if our position wasn't precarious enough as it is."

"Did I come at a bad time?" Qynn cut in, tired of them talking over her head.

"Nothing I can't handle," Anderson said his voice too weary to be reassuring.

Politics did not agree with him at all. The man looked as if he'd aged decades since she'd seen him last; deep bags hung under his eyes, his features pinched into a perpetual scowl. She hated to add to his problems, but she didn't see another solution at this point.

"What can I do for you, Shepard?" He approached his desk, his head cocked as he noticed the figurines on his desk had all been turned ninety degrees to the left.

"I accomplished my mission," she hesitated, unsure of how much she could divulge in front of the ambassador. "And now I'm in a bad position."

"When doesn't she have a problem?" Udina scoffed.

"We're no longer with Cerberus so that leaves us stuck. There's a bigger threat on the way and-"

"So I've heard," he cut across, stopping her from going any further. "Commander Alenko forwarded me the footage you sent him. I've got to say; it's pretty compelling stuff. How'd you get it?"

"Helmet cam."

Her idea. To ask someone to just take her word for it was too much. Backing up her claims with hard facts would cut a lot of hassle out of the negotiating process; she hoped.

So Kaidan had gotten her message and passed it along; that was a good sign. Though she had to hear about it third hand, she wouldn't dwell on it, it wasn't important.

"I plan to bring your case to their attention as soon as I can, but they're harder to get a hold of than you'd think; especially for a fellow Councilor."

Udina looked uninterested; he frequently checked his chrono, as if timing how much of their time she was taking up. "Is that all? Are we done?

"What if someone finds out you were here? We don't need that kind of publicity."

_Deep, cleansing breaths._

"Well, I should let you get back to work, 'Councilor.'" She grinned as he stood to shake her hand. She'd never get used to calling him that. "If you need more evidence-"

"Down!" Thane's voice boomed as he vaulted over the desk. He crashed into Anderson, catching him around the waist; they fell to the floor in a heap just as the first shots puckered the fine, Palaven balsa.

Qynn scrambled behind the divider that separated the outer and the inner rooms of the office, cursing that she'd left her armor behind.

"What's going on?" She barked as she pulled her pistol from her book, unpacking it as quickly as possible.

"It would appear to be a poor assassination attempt," Thane called from his spot near the window. Anderson's trinkets were knocked from the shelves as the sniper's aim darted around the room. "The Councilor is alright," he answered her unasked question as he was want to do; sometimes she wondered if drell were psychic on top of everything else they had going for them.

Garrus worked on expanding his sniper rifle, from the cover of an overturned sofa, unaffected by the bullets lodging themselves overhead.

She spotted the ambassador, crawling on hands and knees towards the door. She fired a warning shot a few feet in front of him that stopped him in his tracks. Something about this situation didn't feel right. "Do you know what this is about?"

The man opened his mouth to speak then thought better of it, moving faster towards the door. A few shots singed the air over his head and Udina pressed himself to the floor, his hands covering his ears.

Udina started to babble. "They were supposed to wait until I left!"

"Who? Who was waiting?" she shouted over the hail of gunfire.

"The Council!" He blubbered, his arms cradling his head as the sniper landed a few shots near his location.

Qynn was speechless as the office was suddenly filled with the deafening report of Garrus taking his shot. The discarded shell clattered to the floor and just like that, it was over.

"I think I got him," he said as he straightened up from his crouched position. "He's not dead, but he's definitely not happy."

As Thane helped Anderson to his feet, she couldn't help but marvel at the pair of snipers adaptability. The two men had just gotten up and dusted themselves off, ready to move on to the next task at hand; she was not blessed with the same calm.

She stalked over to the ambassador and hoisted him up, bending his arm at a painful angle. She shoved him against the wall, her forearm against his Adam's apple as she leaned her face close to his. "You want to tell me what that was about?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He tried to push her away, but she only pressed harder.

"Shepard, that's enough," Anderson's voice made her drop her arm from his throat obediently. Sometimes old habits died hard. "He's not going anywhere. We'll get to the bottom of this."

Anderson was proven right minutes later when several C-Sec officers barged into the room, assault rifles brought to bear.

The squad leader, a brown turian with a pale scar that ran from beneath an eye to his jaw took point. "Hands in the air!" he growled, gun trained on each person standing in front of him in turn.

They complied, not wanting to chance a making an already volatile situation even uglier.

After patting them down and checking their ID's, the agent took stock of the state of the office. "What the hell happened in here? We got a report of gunfire."

Garrus stepped forward and inclined his head in greeting to his brethren.

"There was a sniper across the lake on one of the upper levels," he pointed to where the assailant had been, the officer followed with his eyes. "I hit him, but I don't know if he stayed down."

The officer eyed him skeptically before moving away to radio the situation in; as he did so, the rest of his squad fanned out to secure the scene.

His call complete, the squad leader walked back over to Garrus, giving him a hard look over.

"Lieutenant Klo'an," he said, offering a hand. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"You might," Garrus said as he accepted, clasping the LT's arm just below the elbow. "I was with the department until a few years back; name's Vakarian."

It was about then that Qynn stepped away to leave the two to get acquainted while she checked on Anderson and Thane.

A human member of Klo'an's squad was busy running a small med-scanner over the councilor, checking for injuries when she approached.

"Everything ok over here?"

"I'll live," he said as the medic finished up and departed. "I'd rather have a few bruised ribs than a hole in the head. Your man here packs a hell of a punch."

She could tell that he wanted to clap Thane on the shoulder, but the drell's rigid posture kept him at bay. Instead, he settled for a handshake. "Damned fine job, Krios."

Thane returned the gesture hardily. "Thank you, Councilor."

"I think they're ready to take my statement," Anderson said as he excused himself to join the two turians.

Qynn's gaze wandered over to where the sniper had been posted, thoughts racing through her mind; how did he get access to those offices? The Presidium was hard enough to get into, let alone the upper levels. It made sense that the Council would be able to get someone access, but why? For what reason?

"Siha."

"Hm," Thane's voice brought her back to the present.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You're shaking."

Qynn hadn't noticed that her teeth were chattering together loudly as she spoke. A mixture of adrenaline and rage coursed through her veins.

She'd never heard of a more successful attempt on the life of a Councilor; this one had come close. If she hadn't decided to come by today… She didn't want to think about what would have happened. She crossed her arms over her chest, her hands clenched into fists as she waited for the shaking to subside. She didn't sense Garrus approaching until he was already beside them.

"Is this not a good time?" He looked between them, Qynn's body language obviously sending mixed signals.

Her voice was steady when she spoke again. "No, what's up?"

"I just finished talked to Klo'an. He says we can go, but we shouldn't leave the Citadel for a few days; in case he has any questions for us." Sticking around wouldn't be a problem, considering they were grounded.

"Just like that?"

His mandibles flared broadly. "What can I say? I dazzled him with my service record."

Never having been one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Qynn said her goodbyes and informed Klo'an what station they were docked at. They'd be the ship with the huge Cerberus logos all over it.

It was a somber trip to the Normandy; made all the worse by the thoughts that ate at her. While Udina hadn't given a reason why the Council would want to order the death of one of their own, she couldn't shake the feeling that it had something to do with her.

She had few ties left in the galaxy and she wasn't sure if she could handle losing one now; especially if it was her fault.

The Normandy couldn't stay docked on the Citadel forever. When the time came, they would need to leave, and she couldn't protect him every moment of every day. The only foreseeable solution she saw was to cut ties with him; let him disavow any knowledge of her and the things she was trying to accomplish, but even if she wanted to, she doubted he would go along with that. Once she'd gotten the ball rolling, she knew he would run with it. If anything, the attack would have only steeled his resolve to help her. Her hands were tied.

As they stepped through the airlock, she drifted aimlessly. She barely noticed when her body was turned and guided towards the elevator and into her quarters.

"Siha," she heard Thane say as he placed a cool glass into her hands. Confused, she turned to face him.

"How'd I get here?"

"You've come back to yourself, I see," he said as he sat beside her.

"Sorry, I must have zoned out." She sipped at the glass and winced; water.

"You're worried about your mentor." It was a statement, not a question.

"I am."

They were both quiet for a bit as they stared at the fish tank. She could see Thane from the corner of her eyes, pondering; his elbows atop his knees, hands clasped underneath his chin.

"There are those who owe me a great deal. I could call in a few favors, have Anderson followed; protected."

The words were modest; a proposal, not a boast.

"Are you sure I won't be putting you out?"

Thane blinked, the term not making a connection. Sometimes she forgot the differences in their dialects. Qynn rephrased.

"It won't be any trouble for you to do this for me?"

"Not at all. It would give me a reason to be off the ship, and it'd give me an excuse to drop in on Kolyat." He moved closer and pressed his forehead against hers, a thumb skimmed over her cheek. "Anything you want from me, you need only ask. My arm is yours."


	5. Error Code: 11003

**_A/N: This chapter does involve mild frottage[see urbandictionary or wikipedia for more on the subject]_**

The Thanix canon was a tricky bastard. As one of the most advanced and heavy duty ship mounted weapons around, it was also one of the hardest to calibrate. Just when Garrus thought he'd reached an optimal alignment for the thing, an error message popped up on his console.

_There is a problem with the current configuration settings. Please check your calculations and try again. Error code: 11003._

"My math is fine, thank you." He'd redone it several times and always came to the same solutions. After two infuriating hours, he resorted to inputting the same set of numbers over and over, until the system acknowledged that he was right. So far that hadn't worked out too well. He needed to take a break, but after yesterday, he was reluctant to leave his quarters, not wanting see the commander and her paramour again so soon.

Armies of geth threatening all life in the galaxy, no problem; monstrous sentient machines pulling off mass abductions, let him at them; snipers trying to assassinate a dignitary and possibly him in the process, a piece of cake; but put a despondent and defeated commander in front of him and he were pretty much useless.

No, that wasn't right; he knew what to do for her. It was just no longer his place to do so.  
He could tell she was shaken up. Even at her worst, she'd never blown up on someone like she had Udina. Hell, she'd dealt with Conrad Verner with a grace Garrus wasn't sure he could muster if he'd been in her shoes.

His fears that something was off were confirmed when they boarded the Normandy. It was like she was on auto-pilot; the lights were on, but no one was home. She drifted down the halls, not noticing anyone as they greeted her as she passed, unaware of her surroundings. She'd been like that after losing Gunnery Chief Williams on Virmire, a shell of her former self.

He knew what to do to bring her back around: She needed to rest, maybe get something to eat and she would be back to herself in no time.

Before he could act on his plan, Thane was at her side, guiding her to her quarters. All of the wind had been knocked out of him like a blow to the gut; she didn't need him.

He'd been her shoulder to cry on, there to talk to when no one else was; her confidant. Thane was there for that now, comforting her in ways Garrus probably never could.

He sighed, glad that he was able to stop himself before he got too far. He'd avoided a potentially bad situation.

No sooner than he succeeded in pushing her from his mind did the doors suddenly hiss open. He turned to see Qynn, devoid of her armor like yesterday. In fact, it looked like she was wearing the same outfit as yesterday.

"Shepard, need me for something?" What was that phrase humans had for this sort of thing? Speak of the devil?

"Yeah, I do. Have you got a minute?" Without waiting for his answer, she took up her usual spot on the crate against the wall.

"What's up?" He leaned against the console, happy to have something else to look at.

"I've got some business on the Citadel today and I'd like you to come with me."

The back of his neck prickled with the onset of anxiety and he rubbed at it in a way he hoped looked casual. Even though her visit was a welcome surprise, he didn't want a repeat of yesterday, having to hold back because Thane was there. "Shepard, I-"

"Listen, if it's about 'calibrations' you can save it. They aren't going to go anywhere." He recognized that familiar set of her shoulders. She wasn't going anywhere either until she got the answer she wanted. This is _exactly_ what he was looking to avoid, but planning to say no and actually doing it were two different things. "Will it involve me getting shot at?"

"It shouldn't. Unless you want it to, that is." The grin she gave was infectious. He could feel his mandibles flare in response, despite himself.

He glanced back at the console, the same error message winked at him. He really needed to get out, and there was nothing holding him back, except for his own self-pity.

"Fine, I'll meet you station side."

/*/*/*/

"So let me get this straight: You've lived on the Citadel for years and you've never been to _Bolo_?"

Garrus tried not to laugh out loud at Shepard's indignation, made even harder by the fact that she was questioning him with a mouthful of bread. _Bolo_ was the premier bakery on the Presidium, and while he had heard of the place, he'd never actually been there. He didn't have much of a sweet tooth.

This was not what he expected to be doing when she dragged him off the ship; maybe looking for armor upgrades or weapons schematics. It definitely was not bouncing from shop to shop in search of model ships to complete her collection and certainly wasn't just the two of them having lunch.

"I never got around to it." He glanced down into his mug, wondering if he should get a refill on his drink. Qynn had had two already, and he'd be damned if he'd let her out do him.

"Blasphemy!" she spat as she shredded the remains of her bread into fine pieces on her plate. "We'll have to fix that right now."

Garrus snorted, sending some of his ale into his nose. "Haven't you had enough?" He's just watched her put away a rather large sandwich accompanied by a few odd looking sides in no time at all; an impressive feat for someone of her stature. He felt full from just watching.

"That's irrelevant. How can you live here so long and have never gone? Even I've gone and I hate it here," she wiped her mouth clean on the napkin beside her plate before promptly crushing it in her clenched fist. "What else haven't you done?"

It was obvious that her anxiety had reached a fevered pitch. Anderson's assassination had hit closer to home than he'd thought and this was an effort to distract herself. If she needed the company, he was happy to oblige, but he couldn't shake his own nervousness.

He was caught off guard by how easy it was to fall back into a familiar rhythm. As if all of the things he'd thought of earlier didn't matter. It was like everything had gone back to normal, and if he could ignore the little tugs at his heart, they could stay that way.

"I've never been to Kithoi Point," he suggested, trying to pick some place whose main attraction wasn't food. At the rate she was going, she was liable to hurt herself.

"Hm…" Qynn sighed as she slowly unfolded her fingers and stared at the crumpled napkin, quizzically. "'I've never been either, actually; we should go."

This was starting to feel strangely like a date, all be it one of the weirder ones Garrus had been on and it was a battle to keep himself convinced that it was not. He should be glad to have his friend and leave it at that.

He put down a credit chit to cover their meal, as he pushed up from the table. "Shall we?"

/*/*/*/

Kithoi Point was the tallest location on the station next to Citadel Tower. Located in Kithoi ward, from its great height you could see all of the arms of the station, lit with their millions of lights. Set against the stars of the Serpent Nebula, it made for an amazing sight. The Point was a popular draw for tourists and couples alike; a fact Garrus remembered far too late.

The darkened observation desk was scattered with couples of all sorts, though the odd pairing of human and turian did gain them some furtive glances. He was careful to put enough space between them so that they didn't give off the impression that they were 'together', though any onlooker would think what they wanted.

The former Spectre stared out at myriad stars and lights, the numbers of both were so numerous that it was hard to tell the two apart from this height. Her eyes were cold, devoid of the mirth he'd been expecting.

He was flustered. The last thing he meant to do was upset her. "If it's not your thing, we can go somewhere else…"

"No, I'm alright. It's beautiful," she replied flatly, as she stepped closer to the barrier. It sparked and shimmered where she touched her fingertips made contact with it. "I've always wondered how something so beautiful outside, could be so rotten on the inside."

He swore he could see her thoughts flitting behind her eyes. She was focused on Anderson again, trying to figure out a way to keep him safe, or kicking herself for not being able to prevent it from happening in the first place. Maybe there were thoughts of Ash in there, mixed with regrets. He'd seen it before; if she continued to slip, she might never get out.

"Well, it isn't all bad," he began, hoping the words would bring her out of her sulk. "The station does have its redeeming qualities."

"Like what, Vakarian?" She responded; that was a good sign.

"_Bolo_ for one," he chuckled as he recalled her eyes going wide as she beheld shelf upon shelf of cakes and various other sweet things. It took all of his will to not bust a gut then and there, at the sight of his commander rendered speechless and though he'd never admit it, he had been, too.

Mentioning the bakery had the desired effect as a smile crept across her face.

"We met on this very station, for another." As soon as he said it, his mind was filled with their fateful meeting in Citadel Tower and everything that followed. Even then he had been amazed by her; she didn't back down from anything, which was rare in humans, usually so quick to try to smooth things over. She was stubborn, idealistic, and unafraid; she still embodied those traits now, maybe even more so.

"I guess you're right," she said finally, her as she turned away from the window to look at him. "Where would I be without my right hand turian?"

"Let's get out of here." He said, suddenly wanting to be away from the crowds. "I've got one more place I want to show you."

/*/*/*/

A well-kept secret deep within Tayseri Ward, Kiyorin Municipal Park was Garrus' place of refuge. While it wasn't as big as the green space on the Presidium, it was just as beautiful. Populated with exotic foliage from all over Citadel space, around a small artificial lake, the plants were arranged in such a way that the contrast between the different species was not jarring.

Garrus had frequented the park during the later days of his career, when he'd become more and more dissatisfied with the way things were done in C-Sec. The almost secluded park gave him a place to relax that didn't cost him more than the transportation to get there. He often left the park with a clearer head than he came with and he figured that was something the commander could use right now.

They walked to the water's edge and sat on the grass. The quiet ambiance of the park sent calm washing over him like ripples in the lake they sat beside. Or that's what was happening to Garrus. It wasn't long before Qynn squirmed in her seat, restless nature shining through. He knew sitting quietly was not her thing, but at least she'd tried, if only for a few minutes.

"So," he started and chuckled as her shoulders sagged with relief. "Why don't you have Thane running around with you?" He knew he was being forward, but he figured it wasn't any more than he'd been before the line between friend and something more had become blurred. He watched as she quickly removed her boots and rolled up her pant legs, trying not to stare at her very human toes.

"He had some things he needed to do," she said as she dipped her feet into the water and paddled them around. "Plus, I wanted to spend some time with you, like the old days." The "old days" included Tali, but then he didn't bother to bring up that fact as she stretched out beside him on the grass. She folded her hands under her head as she stared into a cloudless, artificial sky.

"You stay cooped up in your quarters so much that you're starting to blend in with the hardware. It's not like you. It was good to see some of the old Garrus."

It was true. He'd been staying locked up, and away from her, trying to deny what he felt until it went away. It wasn't like him. He thought if he ignored it long enough, the feelings would subside. Now he wasn't so sure.

He followed her lead and rolled up the legs of his civilian pants and hitched them on his spurs. He dragged his feet through the water, suddenly self-conscious of how big they looked beneath its surface.

"It was good to see some of the old Shepard."

A comfortable silence settled over them as their feet swished in the pool. The moment seemed perfect: there was no tension, no thoughts of regret, and he didn't want to ruin it by asking her stupid things that shouldn't matter any longer, but he couldn't help it. It was one of those things that would eat at him forever if he didn't get it off his chest.

"Qynn?" Her name felt strange on his tongue. In all the time he'd known her, he'd never called her by her given name out of respect for who she was and what she was trying to accomplish, but now… it seemed appropriate. What he wanted to ask didn't stand on formality; it would seem downright invasive, but he needed to know.

"Do-do you…"

She was silent.

He turned to face her, with the hope that he wasn't about to ruin their reunion, by muddying everything again. She was sound asleep, right there on the grass, her feet still dangling in the lake. She probably hadn't slept much the night before, too busy scheming on how to make things right. It was just as well.

His omnitool beeped as it received an incoming message. Shepard was needed back aboard ASAP. He'd have to wake her, and he would, in another ten minutes or so.

/*/*/*/

Rush hour anywhere was bad, but on the Citadel it was brutal. An already over packed and under funded system, since the attack by Sovereign that never happened, conditions were made worse by outages all over the wards. Paired with poor planning by the Citadel Mass Transit Authority, conditions were miserable for commuters all over the wards more often than not.

It came as no surprise to Garrus that they'd gotten caught up in it. That extra ten minutes -that had turned into twenty- had really cost them. He and Qynn were packed in the middle of a line that was thousands of annoyed patrons long in either direction. It was moving pretty quickly, but not quick enough.

The elcor behind Garrus lurched forward and shoved him into Shepard's back. He cast an annoyed glare over his shoulder, a growl rumbled in his throat.

"Regretful apology: Excuse me, turian."

"You OK back there?" Qynn called from in front of him. She couldn't have been comfortable, squeezed between a krogan in front of her and Garrus behind her. He'd tried his best to give her enough room to breathe, but the elcor was making sure that he failed in that.

"I've been in better situations; that's for sure." But he'd also been in worse. He couldn't recall ever being so aware of her presence before. Sure, they'd spent a lot of time together, and they'd been in close quarters before on the Mako, the Kodiak and the Hammerhead, but it was nothing like this. This was notably more intimate. He could feel her warmth pressed up against him through their clothes, feel every time she shifted; he could smell the scent of grass mingling with her own distinct aroma, it suited her. He could see the fine line of scars that ran down the nape of her neck from where her implant has been replaced, marring skin that was still infinitely smoother than his own. He wanted to touch it, to taste it, to breathe her in and-

_Oh shit._

He could feel his plates starting to shift as an all too familiar pressure began to build.

_Way to be inappropriate. Quick! Think about something else… Think about a naked volus doing a handstand._

Surprisingly, the idea worked… until it transformed into what he imagined a naked Qynn would look like doing a handstand. He cursed not wearing his armor; even if it was starting to smell like a dead varren, it would have prevented him from getting into this quickly worsening situation.

By some cruel twist of fate, the very thing that had caused his discomfort was now hiding it from view. He could only pray to the Gods who listened to such prayers that she wouldn't notice.

Another bump from the behind pressed him forward, sending a wave of hot pleasure mixed with shame through him. He quickly coughed to try to cover the harsh yelp that was forced from his throat.

_Spirits… She's so bloody soft._

He'd wished he'd known humans were so pleasingly pliant before; he might not have been in this mess to begin with. He stopped himself more than once from nuzzling her odd frill of hair, to see if it smelled as good as the rest of her.

There was nothing he could do to remedy his predicament, short of some time alone in the nearest restroom, but he didn't see that happening anytime soon. Just when he'd thought he'd regained some control over the galaxy's most inconvenient boner, the elcor would try, not too subtly, to urge them forward or Qynn would move in a way that created the most delicate friction. It was simultaneously so frustrating and enjoyable, that he thought she was doing it on purpose. In the end, he gave in and let himself get what joy he could from it, powerless to do more than keep his hands to himself. At least she hadn't noticed yet.

Finally taking a break from playing with her omnitool, she shifted in a way he wished she wouldn't, to try to turn and look back at him. "Everything OK back there?"

"Hm?" His mind was a little fuzzy at the moment. If not for the elcor's heavy breathing, he wouldn't have known where he was. "I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You're looking a little stressed." _You don't know the half of it,_he thought as he was once again seized by another tremor of pleasure as she shifted. "And you're doing this growling thing. Is it that guy again?" She tried to peek around him to see their line mate, no doubt, to give him a piece of her mind.

_Shit and a half._

"N-no. I'm," he coughed again, hoping that through sheer strength of will, he could make his erection recede before she figured out what was going on. "I'm fine."

"Next in line, please step down," called the tired transport hub worker. Relief came in waves as Qynn stepped up to the desk. The line had moved faster than he thought.

With a free moment, he was able to concentrate on getting his plates to slide back into place. Thinking of the calibration he'd left behind seemed to work best.

"Keen Shepard?" The human male behind the desk tried after staring at the screen dumbfounded for a few moments.

"It's Quinn," she corrected without missing a beat. A lot of people had trouble pronouncing her name. From what Garrus understood, it was a "different" spelling.

"If you say so, lady," he shrugged. "How many passengers for the taxi?"

"Two." Garrus took that as his cue to stand behind side her, taking careful, uncomfortable steps. The attendant gave him a curious glance, but said nothing as he entered their information.

"The access codes have been uploaded to your omnitool, Ms. Shepard. In the lot, there should be an attendant who will direct you to your car."

They passed through to the parking lot where a gruff turian was waiting for them. Without a word, he started to walk away and they quickly fell in step behind him.

Not many inhabitants of the Citadel introduced themselves, Garrus had started to notice, but he chalked it up to them not feeling they needed to. What might have been seen as rude was common place on a station so vast. The odds of seeing the same parking attendant were astronomical, not that most people could tell the difference between individuals not of their species.

"Here's your car," he said to Qynn, looking her over with more interest than Garrus thought was necessary. She walked around the vehicle to make sure it was sound; kicking the tires as it were. Satisfied with the state of the vehicle, Qynn slid inside and primed the motor.

As Garrus and the attendant passed each other, the attendant gripped him on the shoulder, stopping him in place. He gave a quick glance from Qynn to Garrus knowingly before he quickly averted his eyes.

"Don't worry about it, pal. It happens to the best of us."

/*/*/*/

An awkward cab and elevator ride later, Garrus was in back in the Battery, staring at the damned terminal. He faced his console again, the error message winked at him in greeting, but he was a million miles away.

He stepped off the elevator and left her in a hurry. He tried to say goodbye, but it was awkward; he found it hard to look her in the eye after what he'd been through. What could he have said to her?  
_Sorry for almost messing up our relationship right after it's gotten back on track by trying to figure out how you feel about me. And by the way; being sandwiched between you and that elcor damn near made my week?_

He'd locked himself in his quarters to discourage any unannounced visits from her or anyone else. His head was a mess, swimming with the memory of the day's events. Friends could go out and have fun without it meaning anything, but it had meant something to him, no matter how much he wanted to write it off. It would be a while before he'd be up to facing her again, with remembering the smell and feel of her.

_Screw it._ He was in no position to work calibrate anything.


	6. Gold, Cursive Lettering

Thane returned to the Normandy from his day's errands to find that the Commander was not on board. That alone was not unusual; he hadn't expected her to remain idle when she had so many things on her mind. Anderson's life being in endangered compounded with her other worries, it was a wonder that she'd come to bed at all the night before.

What did surprise him was who she'd gone ashore with: Vakarian. They had been avoiding each other for some time, but this was now two days in a row that she had sought his company. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind for later.

After a short trip to the galley and his own quarters, he retired to her cabin catch up on his reading, a luxury he allowed himself since her couch was more comfortable than the chairs in life support. No sooner had he gotten comfortable, than EDI's avatar shimmered to life on her pedestal by the door.

"Sere Krios," the AI began in her genial tone, "I thought you would like to know that Commander Shepard is on her way to her quarters."

"Thank you, EDI," he replied without thinking. He'd given up on making the distinction between speaking to a sentient being and the AI. She was as much a part of the crew as the humans, Grunt or even himself; it cost him nothing to be as cordial to her as she was to him.

He stuffed his book underneath one of the seat cushions just as the doors opened. Qynn entered, her arms laden with boxes and bags. She beamed as soon as she laid eyes on him, a gesture that was easy to return.

He crossed the room to her and helped her ease her prizes to the floor. He gathered her into a welcoming embrace and she kissed him gingerly on the lips. "How was your day?"

Those four little words; so domestic, so simple, were like music to his ears. He felt silly that something so simple could lift his spirits in such a way. They reminded him of something he had taken for granted, and hadn't realized he'd missed until he's experienced it again; familiarity, the warmth of another. He'd long considered himself unworthy of such a luxury, yet she lavished it upon him so easily. His body protested as he detangled himself from her, to give her a chance to settle in. He retook his seat on the couch and watched as she rummaged through her purchases, preoccupied by the way she was bent at the waist. "My day was rather productive."

"My efforts to have the Councilor tailed were successful," he said, a hint of pride in his voice. A small network of former duct rats were hunting down the trail of who'd hired the assassin who had eluded capture as they spoke. Any hint of something amiss would be forwarded to his omnitool. He'd enlisted the help of a host of others in the field of wet work, to follow the Councilor for as long as he required. His reputation got his foot in the door with these individuals, the money he'd amassed over the last ten years did the rest.

"Can they be trusted?" She kept her hands busy and didn't look at him as she spoke to keep from her apprehension from showing.

"As much as someone in this line of work can be." Not everyone held themselves to the same code of ethics as he did. The people he was dealing with were- in a word- unsavory. He'd taken a chance in revealing his identity to ensure the allegiance of all involved; but he thought the threat of his wrath would outweigh any payday they could hope to make from turning on him.

"It looks like you've been busy as well." He watched as she produced a large model of the fated Destiny Ascension from one of the boxes and brushed it clean of packing material. She turned the ship this way and that, a distracted smile played on her lips; she positively glowed.

One of the earliest lessons Thane had learned was that an integral skill of an effective assassin was the ability to observe others, to notice habits and actions that they might not be aware of themselves. The longer you paid attention, the more details were revealed; a preferred route home, what hand they used to write, gestures, mannerisms, anything that would give away what a person felt.

Before Thane had confessed his feelings to her, before he was willing to admit them to himself, he had observed Qynn with an interest that went far beyond professional curiosity. Through weeks of careful study, he was able to discern a number of noticeable ticks; her strengths, her weaknesses, how she handled stress, what relaxed her, who she avoided, who she gravitated to. She was usually at her most vibrant when she was in the company of—

"I did some running around with Garrus," she said offhand as she took the stairs, to set the ill-fated asari ship in its new place of rest.

Though she'd just spoken what he already knew, an odd emotion came over him. It wasn't jealousy, though he knew it might have been appropriate; it was something more akin to relief.

When she was upset, Qynn often lost focus. Her vision would be narrowed by whatever plagued her that she'd sometimes forget to properly eat or sleep. This way he could be sure she was safe as she worked through her problems. Vakarian had been watching over her long before Thane came into her life and if being with him could help her, he would not grudge her that. The results were apparent.

Thane had been aware of her closeness to officer – no, ex-officer Vakarian. They had a rapport that had been forged by hard fought battles spent side-by-side. They anticipated each other's next move. They complimented each other well, both on and off the battlefield. As time went on, something changed between the pair. The sense of camaraderie was gone. They were tense around each other and neither of them seemed willing to acknowledge that there was a problem.

He was taken by surprise when Qynn had shown an interest in him. After being in his self-imposed solitude for so long, he welcomed the company. It was not his intention to drive a wedge between the Commander and her man; he didn't feel it was his place. Qynn had taken the initiative in furthering the connection that had formed and he had been carried along by her momentum.

Qynn assured him that she and Vakarian and were not an item – they were good friends and nothing more – but the set of her jaw and the wavering of her voice, no matter how faint, betrayed her. There had been something more, but he did not press it. She didn't tell him more about what had happened between her and the turian, and he had never asked.

Now, it was as if a part of her that was lost had been reclaimed. She was more herself than she had been in weeks. He was pleased by this turn of events, and yet—

"We went to Kithoi point, a park on Tayseri…" She trailed off, her hands resting on her hips as she appraised her placement.

Those were all very busy, very public places that Thane wasn't sure he would have been comfortable in. He would have accompanied her if she'd asked it of him, but would she have returned in spirits as high as this?

"I got you something," she declared as a mischievous glint lit her eyes. Quickly, she descended the stairs, and began rummaging through her pile of packages again. Moments later, she happened upon what she sought. Cutting across the room and placed a small parcel in his hands.

He fingered the box while his eyes roved over the crisp white covering, stamped with gold, cursive lettering. In every written language of Citadel space, it read _Bolo._

"Are you going to open it?" She sat next to him, watching him expectantly. A quiet grin crossed his lips at her youthful.

"The thought had occurred to me."

As far as he'd understood the concept, giving a gift was an expression of one person's affection for another. During his time under the hanar's tutelage, he'd received rewards for perfecting a skill set, or performing well consistently. On special occasions – holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries – he and Irikah exchanged gifts, but he had never received a gift without reason.

Qynn slipped the box from his grasp, slid her finger into one of the seams and broke the seal. She lifted the lid and set it in front of him on the coffee table, just within reach. Inside was a single tart, topped with the same fruit that his morning libation was made from.

"It took a while to figure out what it was, since I didn't know the name, but I think that's the right one."

A vision of Qynn terrorizing the bakery staff while she tried her best to articulate what the fruit's flavor filled his mind and Thane couldn't suppress the grin that tugged at his lips. She'd taken time out of her day to bring to do something for him, to show that she thought of him as often as he'd thought of her, though perhaps not in the same capacity.

A few loaded moments ticked by and the pastry remained untouched, she asked, "Did I guess wrong?"  
"It looks wonderful," he chuckled as he closed the box with a click. He turned to her, intent on showing her just how much he'd been thinking of her. He found he'd been looking forward to getting back to the ship and being in her company to make memories anew. Boldly, he traced his fingers along the flesh exposed at the neck of her oversized shirt. "But I'm in the mood for something a bit more... substantial."

Her eyes closed at his touch and she bit her moistened lips. "I do have to meet Miranda soon," she said as blunted nails scratched the inside of his thighs. He groaned as her hand inched its way higher. It came close to brushing against him and then shied away, increasing his steadily growing agitation. If she wasn't going to play fair, neither would he.

He lowered his lips to her neck, brushing them along the tender patch of skin just below her ear. "When you roused me from my battle sleep, Siha, you woke _all_ of me," he growled. "Now you have to deal with the consequences."

He crushed his mouth hungrily against hers as she wrapped her legs around his waist. She started her own battle with the many zippers and fastenings of his garments with an agitated grunt. Maybe he would look into something a bit more casual as she'd often suggested.

She pushed his jacket aside and spread her palms flat against his torso, shifting her weight to press him back against the arm of the couch. She nipped at the sensitive skin of his throat, while one of her hands continued lower, skimming over his flat, smoothly scaled stomach before coming to rest on the growing bulge in his pants. He drew upon his power of will to keep from rolling into her touch, and letting her know just how bad his need was. He bit his lip, stifling a moan. He knew it was what she wanted to hear and he would make her work for it.

Her lips cut a crooked path down his belly to the top of his pants. She tugged them down impatiently, rasping her nails on the sensitive dip of his hips. Without ceremony, she unzipped his pants, exposing him to the cool air of the cabin.

Despite his best efforts, a gasp escaped him when her tongue suddenly made contact with his swollen tip. She cupped her hands around his length, her tongue caressing the underside of his arousal, but she didn't move. Each pass of her tongue became more torturous as she denied him more movement, holding him at bay. Soon, his body was reacting of its own accord, his hips thrusting up with each torturous pass of her tongue in a desperate attempt to get that which he was being denied. She'd won their little game.

"Siha," he relented, and felt a vibration pass through him as she hummed contentedly around his erection. "I-I need…"

The rest of the words died in his throat as she gripped him tightly as she worked him in long strokes as she bobbed up and down on his length. His fingers grazed the short hair on the sides of her head, his gaze focused on her face. This was another rarity that she'd introduced to him, and he felt he'd never tire of it. He was almost hypnotized by the sight of his shaft disappearing between her lips. The act seemed so taboo, yet that was part of the appeal. He was nearing his limit, but he wanted more and time was short.

EDI would be summoning her soon, if they were lucky; if they weren't, Miranda would come to fetch her personally, and that would prove problematic. Tapping into his dwindling will power again, he laid his hands on her shoulders. "Wait," he breathed, barely able to keep his wits about him. She released him, a hand idly stroking him, as she looked up at him with a raised brow.

"Allow me to—" he tried to sit forward, but was forced back onto his elbows.

"It's Ok to just let me do things for you," she said as she wriggled her pants down her legs. She straddled his hips, a thin layer of fabric separating him from her warmth.

His hands gripped her hips firmly as he pulled at the string that held the garment together. Originally, he'd thought the design was flawed. He couldn't see the point of wearing something so flimsy, that it could come apart at any time. He had since learned its merits. The material was easily pulled away and she eased him inside her.

He was drawn into the quick pace she set as she rode him, his hips rolled upward to meet the downward beat of hers. It was rough and fast, it made his toes curl as she teased him– taking him deep, then shallow; quickly and then slow. It wasn't long before she climaxed. Her muscles tightening around him, she forced him to follow close behind her. She fell forward, resting her head against his shoulder as they tried to catch their breath.

"Commander," EDI's disembodied voice called with timing that could only be described as uncanny. "Operative Lawson would like to remind you that she's waiting for you in the debriefing room."

"Thank you, EDI," Qynn said as she sat up and brushed her hair out of her eyes. She eased off his length, on shaking, boneless legs. "I'll be right there." She pressed her lips to the dark pentagon on his brow before staggering off to the bathroom to prepare to meet with her Executive Officer.

Thane sat up, trying to his clear his head as he waited his turn in the restroom, a thought nagged at him. While their brief time together had been enjoyable, something seemed off. There was desperation in her actions that hadn't been there before. It was as if she was trying to distract herself. And even though he tried to convince himself otherwise, he didn't think it had anything to do with the state of the Councilor. 


	7. On The Side of Caution

**_A/N: this chapter contains some solo_**

It was far into the night cycle and Qynn should have been in bed sleeping or in Darkstar, some place other than walking down the darkened halls of the Normandy. The ship was deserted for the most part, whatever crew was left had turned in hours ago. She alone wandered the halls like some long forgotten ghost, kept awake by her thoughts.

When she'd finally shown up to meet with her XO that afternoon, looking decidedly chaotic, Miranda had greeted her with several orders of business. Among them was an update on the repairs, and the request that the crew be able to spend evenings ashore for the duration of their stay. She had given a plethora of reasons why this was favorable to keeping everyone on board at all times, but Qynn was probably the person who needed the least amount of convincing. At one point she even stopped listening, too annoyed by the fact that she'd rushed her back for this.

She had no problem with approving the shore leave, but it all could have been approved via extranet message or a call. There was no need for them to do this in person. She suspected it was an attempt to make her feel useful, so she didn't argue the matter. On her way back to the loft she realized she was more annoyed by being called back from the Citadel, than being pulled from her lover's arms, and that, in itself was worrying.

Arriving back in her quarters, she found Thane propped up in bed, reading a book; an actual book made with ink printed on paper. The pages were yellowed and dog-eared from years of use and the cover was emblazoned with the image of a hammer breaking through the surface of the waves and was heading towards the sky in what looked to be a terrible storm. She couldn't decipher the name of the book, but she assumed it was a memento from Kahje.

She stripped down to her skivvies and crawled into bed and Thane quickly tucked the book away under his pillow. A sudden flush darkened the folds of skin at his throat. She gave him a questioning look, but let the matter drop, vowing to ask him just what was in that book one day.

Soon Thane dozed off, and though she tried to join him, sleep would not come easy. She lay awake for what felt like hours, staring up at the ceiling before she decided to try to burn off this restless energy. She threw on a pair of shorts and one of her trademarked oversized shirts and padded barefoot into the ship. She probably looked a fright, but the crew had definitely seen her look worse.

She wasn't sure why she was still awake. Some of her worry about Anderson had been eased, and she should be sleeping like a baby but her mind was abuzz with activity. She couldn't pin down a single thought as the likely culprit.

Qynn looked up from her musings to find that her feet had carried her through the darkened vessel to the gunnery doors; doors that were closed to an empty ship, which struck her as odd. Almost reflexively, she moved to let herself in but stopped just short, hand hovering above the controls. It was late; if he was even on board he might be asleep, or not in the mood to be bothered with her. It was presumptuous of her to think he'd welcome her in at all hours. Everyone needed time to themselves every once in a while.

When they'd parted ways on the elevator, he'd dashed off like he couldn't get away from her fast enough. He'd seemed upset? Disturbed? She wanted to know why, but she wasn't sure if she should press it. He'd come around on his own, if she gave him space. She let her hand fall to her side, choosing to err on the side of reason for a change.

Tomorrow. She'd come back tomorrow and they'd have a nice long talk about what was eating him. They could even go out for lunch again. Maybe Thane could come along this time as well.  
Her mind already racing with the prospects of different places they could go, she turned on her heel to continue her haunt of the ship, when a sound stopped her dead in her tracks.

Within the stillness of the ship, she thought she could hear Garrus talking, but his voice was deeper, more guttural. She couldn't make out what he was saying, but he didn't sound happy.

She pressed closer to the door, unable to stop herself. She shouldn't be eavesdropping, she knew that, but she convinced herself that she had his best interest at heart. If he was in some kind of trouble, she wanted to know what was going on and if there was any way she couldn't help.

"Qynn…"

She'd heard her name uttered faintly, almost hissed. A familiar voice repeated it over and over with increased urgency, intermingled with that low growl she'd heard him make at the transport station.

_He couldn't be… Could he?_

She felt bad listening in, but she couldn't pull herself away. What the Hell did this mean? Was he attracted to her? Why had he tried so hard to push her away? They had both wanted the same thing, so why were things like this now?

All of her questions would have to wait for another time, he was obviously preoccupied.

As she pushed her weight off of the door, she brushed against the control panel. The doors slid open and she fell to her knees in the room. She threw out her hands in time to stop her face from making contact with the steel grates that now dug into her palms. She stayed still, the cabin quiet save for the sounds of flesh being worked against lubricated flesh and his shallow, ragged breaths. He hadn't noticed her yet, which was good.

She should just back out right now, while there was still time to pretend this never happened, but curiosity got the better of her. The longer she stayed in that position, the more she heard, the stronger the urge to look became.

Slowly, she turned her head and had to bite her lip to keep from exclaiming at what she saw. There he was; pants down around his spurs, taloned fingers carefully wrapped around his cock as he leaned against the wall, oblivious to her presence.

At least one of life's mysteries was solved; turians could masturbate.

/*/*/*/

He should be ashamed of himself.

Every time he'd thought of her, his stomach bunched up in knots as the memory of what it had felt like to be pressed up against her, to feel her body give against him filled his mind. He couldn't stand it. It was distracting him from his work that had served to as a distraction from thinking about her. He was in a bad way.

He was at the breaking point now, like an illness he couldn't shake. He had to do something about it. He'd only been able to hold out this long out of fear. He was too afraid of breaking some unspoken rule and sullying her memory in this way. But he couldn't take anymore, and he'd just have to hope she could forgive him.

_One time. Just this one time and that should fix this_. _One time, and that's it._

It was late, most of the ship was either sleeping or elsewhere, so knew that he wouldn't be disturbed, but the idea of doing something so debauched made him want to get it over with as quickly as possible. He didn't like not being in control of himself, and the sooner he got a handle on this, the better.

During the time when he'd entertained the idea of a physical relationship between them, he'd amassed a good deal of "reference materials". He'd watched the best of what the Extranet had to offer in turian-human relations until he was pretty sure he'd had an idea of what a naked human would look like at a glance. But he knew humans, like turians were all individuals and she probably wasn't built like those Fornax models. Did she have moles? Scars? His imagination would have to fill in the rest though he knew it probably couldn't compare to the real thing.

He picked a vid that had piqued his interest during his research: It was of a turian and a human female. She was about the same complexion as Qynn, though she seemed… softer in places.

However, the real appeal of the vid had been her show of _flexibility. S_he had straddled the turian, facing away from him. He held her arms behind her back as she arched backwards, where their bodies joined in full view of the camera in a display that had left him without words.

At first, it had been hard to suspend his reality. He couldn't picture her doing any of the lewd things the woman in this vid did, but after he recalled just how fluidly she had moved on the few occasions they'd sparred together, it had gotten a lot easier. He'd replaced the face of actress doing those things to turian anatomy with the commander's, the voice she cried out in was hers; the name she called was his.

Her scent was so embedded in his clothes, in his memory, and he could smell her, stronger than before, and it only fed his ardor. His imagination was running wild; he could see her clearly, her image superimposed over the Fornax girl. He almost thought he could see her in the room with him. She was there, on her hands and knees a few feet away, her clothes slipping off of a well-muscled shoulder, exposing her dusky skin to him as she stared up at him, wantonly. She—

She was _really_ there.

Even through the haze his head was in, he could tell the Qynn he saw before him was no product of his over-active imagination. He stopped his ministrations, frozen with disbelief. His rigid member throbbed painfully in his grasp, denied its release which, until moments ago, had been imminent. His mouth went dry, as he realized she had been watching him with rapt attention.

Panic tightened his mandibles to his jaw, as he struggled to wrap his mind around what was going on.

"Shepard…?"

/*/*/*/

_It—it's blue._

She watched as Garrus looked away from her and drew his tunic down over his thighs to cover his predicament, but there was no hiding what she had already seen and heard. She'd watched for what felt like hours as he ran his fingers along an impressive length, manipulating himself to the interspecies vid that played from his omnitool and he was calling her name. _Her name._

She pushed off from the floor and rubbed her hands together, forcing her attention on them and not Garrus' crotch. "I came to talk," she said lamely. She knew she should just turn around and go, yet she felt compelled to keep talking, a deeply ingrained defense mechanism. "You seemed like you were bothered by something, so I thought I'd—"

"Now's not a good time," he croaked, his voice hoarse with his arousal and embarrassment. He didn't meet her gaze as he drew his pants up over his knees. His erection didn't show any signs of going away anytime soon.

"Right," Qynn said as if her wits had been struck back into her. He must have been mortified. She turned bodily away from him, to try to give him some semblance of privacy, still unsure of why she just couldn't leave.

"Of course," she forced herself out the door, shielding her eyes from view, as much for her own sake as for him. "We'll catch up later," she called as it sealed close behind her. She quickened her pace as she made for the elevator, only stopping once she reached it. She pressed her back against the cool metal, as she tried to get her bearings.

There went all hopes that things wouldn't be weird between them. If she hadn't come down here, if she hadn't seen, if she hadn't heard, then maybe they could have continued on pretending. They would definitely need to have a talk after this.


	8. Interrupt

In the last few hours docked on the Citadel, the crew of the Normandy was getting ready for its departure. Repairs were completed, supplies were stowed and all hands were on board. They were prepared to cast off at any time. The only thing stopping them was the commander herself, and she was as far from the ship as she could get. She was stalling for time, trying to avoid being on the ship for as long as possible.

She'd visited Anderson, as she had every day for the last 3 days, just to ensure his safety. She knew Thane was a man of his word, but it felt better to see it with her own eyes. Things had gone well until he chased her out of his office, insisting he couldn't work with her hovering like a mother hen. Since then, she'd just been walking aimlessly though the wards, headed nowhere in particular. She'd been hassled by C-Sec for loitering but she didn't bother to identify herself. She just moved along, too lost and confused to argue.

She needed to head back, but she was dragging her feet. Maybe if she never showed up, they'd leave without her, leaving her free to disappear into the seedy underbelly of the Citadel, never to be heard from again. It'd be better than what was waiting for her.

A pair of turians passed by and she found her gaze drawn to them. Just when she'd succeeded in pushing Garrus from her mind, Fate had a way of reminding her. She hadn't seen him in days and she wanted to keep it that way. She knew she could only avoid their inevitable talk for so long, but she relished every extra moment it was delayed.

An array of strange emotions came over her when she thought of him; discomfort, longing, shame and guilt just to name a few. The urge to apologize to him overwhelmed what little rational thought she had left, but for what exactly, she wasn't sure.

_Sorry for walking in on you? For moving on? For dying on you? Or for getting you involved in this mess in the first place? For lying to myself…_

She still wanted him; to be with him as more than just his friend. His rejection had been easier to take when she thought the affection she'd felt was one-sided. Though it had been embarrassing, it made it easier to move on. Now she wasn't sure of what she wanted.

The emotions she'd tried to ignore were resurfacing. The spark that had refused to die was being fueled by the possibility that he felt something for her, but she tried to douse it with the hard fact that he had taken a pass when she'd thrown herself at him. It would be better if she just tried to ignore it. There was no guarantee that things would work out this time around. And what about Thane?

She connected with him in a way that she never had with anyone else. He was the grounding force in her life. He keeping her sane when she would have raged; anchored when her flighty demeanor would have made her useless. When she wanted to give in to her anger, his infectious calm would touch her and bring her back around. He'd put himself out in a way that she couldn't ignore, breaking a self-imposed exile because of her. She'd come to love him more without really trying and she didn't want to lose him either. He wasn't some sort of consolation prize and this wasn't fair to him either. He deserved better than some fickle woman who couldn't make up her mind. They both did.

She entered Kiyorin Park, unsure of when she'd even started heading that way but it felt right to be here. She needed to think, to try to get perspective. She sat cross-legged underneath a tree near the water's edge, her hands resting on her knees. She took deep cleansing breaths the way Thane had shown her, in through the nose, out through the mouth. She felt calm and relaxed as she listened to the rustling of the artificial wind through the leaves overhead. It wasn't long before what usually happened when she tried to meditate did; she fell asleep.

/*/*/*/

Garrus had given up. It wasn't something he did often, but at the point it seemed appropriate. The forward battery was in ruins: papers, empty ration packets and gear strewn everywhere. He didn't see a point in cleaning, since he was never letting anyone in; especially, but not limited to Shepard. He'd given up trying to calibrate the damn Thanix cannon. The current configuration would just have to be good enough. So what if it was off by a few millimeters? When you were aiming a target as large as the broadside of a ship, you didn't have to be one-hundred percent accurate. That was him: Always the perfectionist, wanting to do things right, and where had it gotten him?

_Caught jerking off to his best friend, by his best friend, that's where._

He wasn't sure what was worse: That she'd caught him in the act, or that she now knew that he'd been lying to her.

He'd thought things would have been easier for everyone this way; if he denied what he felt, it'd spare everyone involved a lot of grief, yet here he was, holed up in his room, so afraid of running into her, that he snuck food after lights out.

Turian-human pairs were not a common sight in Citadel space or the Terminus systems, and those that took the chance had to be prepared for the risk. Before they even got to the bedroom-if they would have gotten that far at all- they would have had to deal with prejudice from members of both species. While turians and humans could put aside their shared dislike to live and work beside each other, there were lines that some believed were better left uncrossed.

There was always the chance they could be found out. At their most discrete, the scent of one would cling to the other, and any turian would be able to tell. They got odd looks from just walking beside each other; if they carried the scent of one another, she'd become the target of their irrational aggression. He knew very well who she was, and what she was capable of, but she was supposed to be winning the hearts and minds of others to aid her cause, not alienate them more than her eccentric ways already did. He knew she wouldn't care about that, but he did.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he still believed that maybe…when who she was didn't matter anymore, when there wasn't always someone watching her, they could-

No, that wasn't going to happen. She was with Thane now. He was a good man, despite his fearsome reputation. Garrus had developed a grudging admiration for him as he had become his rival both on and off the battlefield. His people skills were almost as sharp as his sniping skills, and once he'd become adjusted, he'd won people over left and right. Hell, even Jacob, who'd been the most distrustful of the assassin, had warmed up to him.

There really wasn't anyone, other than Qynn, that he'd rather have watching his back. If he had to concede to anyone, he didn't mind that it was him.

Enough was enough. They were responsible adults. They could talk this out like rational beings. She was with Thane, she was happy and that was all that mattered. He'd just have to apologize for using her as wank material and hope they could move on from there, honestly.

Spirits, it sounded stupid laid out like that.

/*/*/*/

"I don't believe it's wise to be sleeping in a public place, siha." Thane watched as Qynn opened heavily-lidded copper eyes and stared up at him, from where she'd fallen over. She raised her arms over her head in a long, languid stretch.

"Fancy meeting you here," she replied groggily, rubbing her eyes. "Are you following me?"

Thane tried his best to look affronted. "I would never." _He would._ "I had some business in the area, and after hearing you mention you visited here with Vakarian, I simply had to see it."

That was a partial truth. He had business in this part of the Citadel, and while he had been interested in visiting the park, but he was more concerned with where she had been disappearing to for the past few days. He wasn't fond of finding her missing when he woke, only to return late into the night cycle, disturbing his sleep as she sprawled over him like a colony of pyjaks.

He knew she was spending her time off the ship, but the question was why? Ever the professional, he saw this as a chance to keep his abilities from deteriorating. To give chase without being seen was a skill he took pride in and he wanted to keep it sharp, though she hadn't proved much of a challenge. She'd been distracted, that he could have walked up to her and she wouldn't have noticed.

"Why don't you have a seat?" she patted a patch of transplanted earth beside her.

"I think we should be preparing to return to-" he froze as he felt her nimble fingers traveling up his leg. If this wasn't a suitable place to sleep, it certainly wasn't the place for this sort of behavior, he thought, though he made no move to stop her. Disarmed, he was caught unawares when she grabbed a fistful of his jacket and yanked, hard. He was pulled to the ground, landing in a way that was far from graceful on his rear.

Lips pressed tightly together in a show of his distaste, he glared at her. Words escaped him, as they often did when he dealt with her. He very rarely knew what to expect from her. She was unpredictable and he wondered if that's what drew him to her in the first place; that or her cruel teasing, though he'd never fancied himself a masochist.

She found his hand in the grass and intertwined her fingers with his. "Just sit with me like this. It won't be long." She gazed out over the water, not turning to look at him as she spoke. He could see that her mind was still a mess, if her meandering path through the space station was indicative of anything. That she chose to go it alone these last few days spoke volumes. That she was out here without Vakarian meant that she was more than likely here because of him.

They sat for a few moments more before they made their way to the transit station, Qynn's attitude somber as if he was leading her to a certain doom. She held his squeezed his hand tightly all the way to the Normandy, and he squeezed back.

/*/*/*/

Though the visuals he'd conjured up were still fresh in his memory, Garrus knew he had to talk to her. The sooner they got this out of the way; the sooner thing could go back to normal. Garrus suited up, taking comfort that his hard suit would provide him with some privacy, should his body react in a way he couldn't control. This wasn't going to be easy, but it was the right thing to do, wasn't it?

He boarded the elevator, mulling over ways to start what would possibly be the most embarrassing conversation of his life outside of a hospital situation. The time he'd had to discuss chaffing plates to a female medic held the current record, but he was sure this would beat that by a long shot.

Garrus stopped just short of the door, suddenly losing his nerve. What would he tell her? He couldn't tell her the truth. That would just make things worse. Should he tell her another lie instead and dig himself into a deeper hole? Sure, a guy could get lonely on a ship by himself, but how would he explain what he was watching after he'd said so many times he didn't have a thing for humans or that he'd said her name?

What if Thane was there? He didn't want to interrupt them if they were in the middle of something. Perhaps it'd be better if he waited for her to come to him, or maybe catch her in a public place like the mess hall, or in the elevator.

The decision was made for him, as the elevator slid open again and he was face-to-face with the person he'd wanted to see and her lover. Thane's arm was looped causally around her waist and he was the most at ease as Garrus had seen him. He hadn't realized what a blow he'd been spared by their discretion until he'd been forced to see them together like this. Being with her was doing the assassin some good and the scene only served to cement his resolve to let this crazy infatuation go.

"Shepard, can we talk?"

She hesitated, "I can meet you in the battery if you give me a few?" She looked as if she was trying to avoid this as much as he was.

"No," he responded a bit too quickly. He wanted to separate her from that memory of the night if possible, but the longer he stood her looking at her, the harder it got. All the same, it would be a long time, if ever, before he could talk to her in there and not envision her on her hands and knees in front of him. "I tore the place up, searching for an old OSD so it's a wreck at the moment. The mess hall would be better or maybe-"

"Why don't you have your discussion here?" Thane chimed in, causing them both to look at him, where he was perched behind Shepard's shoulder. Garrus hadn't prepared for that. This whole idea hinged on her being alone, and now that she wasn't. No matter how much he respected the drell, he knew he wouldn't exactly feel comfortable discussing that particular even in his presence. While he struggled to figure out how to handle this without seeing dismissive, Thane saved him the trouble. "There is a matter I've been meaning to discuss, with the both of you."

The drell released his hold on the commander and took slow, measured steps toward the cabin door. Garrus throat clenched up as he looked to Qynn. Did he know what happened? Did she tell him? She looked as confused as he did as she shrugged silently.

Thane opened it and stepped aside, gesturing for them to enter. "Please."


	9. One Solution

Tuchanka was a dump; there was no politically correct way of saying it. What might have once been a lush green world had been reduced to nothing more than a wasted hunk of clay, its inhabitants clinging to life as best they could. Qynn didn't think the place could get any more depressing if it tried.

Fetid meat cooking over an open flame made her already sick stomach clench as she traveled through the Urdnot camp. Officially, this trip was for Grunt. While the rest of the crew had free rein on the Citadel, no one wanted the task of keeping him out of trouble. He needed as much time to unwind as the rest of them and the last thing they needed was antsy krogan on board; or at least that was the story she gave Miranda for their impromptu trip, but what she didn't know, wouldn't hurt her. The fledgling krogan was off and running as soon as the doors to the Kodiak had opened, leaving Qynn to make her way by herself.

A few bored clansmen eyed the lone human as she approached. Most of them knew her by reputation, if not appearance, and ignored her as suddenly as they'd noticed her. Others tossed her the odd, malicious glance and she was grateful that her helmet obscured her face. Legendary commander or not, it was intimidating to be surrounded by a race as aggressive as the krogan with no back up. Any sign of weakness wouldn't end well.

"Shepard," the warlord greeted with an inclination of his head as she approached his throne. Removing her helmet, she tucked it under her arm.

"Wrex," she returned, a grin tugged at her lips as they slipped into the old routine. He descended the dais and grasped her forearm in an enthusiastic handshake. His underlings regarded her with distaste. "You're alive. So I take it your battle with the Collectors was victorious?"

"You know me; I close one door and three more open and there's an army of pissed off sentient machines on the other side. What are you going to do?"

He barked a laugh, his lips curling back to reveal wide, flat teeth. "That's some luck you've got there. But you didn't have to come all of the way here to tell me that. What brings you back this way?" He was right, of course. An extranet message or call would have been quicker and would have saved her the nausea she was now dealing with.

"I figured Grunt could use a little quality time with his new family. You know; to get acquainted."  
The elder krogan nodded his agreement. "A good idea. I saw him tearing through here earlier. I sent him out with some scouts so he could become familiar with the land." "But that's not why you're here."

Qynn had never considered that she might be wearing her heart on her sleeve, but she was now giving it some serious thought. Two times in as many days, she'd been shown just how flimsy her poker face was. "Is it that obvious?"

The clan leader clapped a large hand on her shoulder, almost knocking her off balance. "Let's take a walk, Shepard. It seems we need to have a little talk."

/*/*/*/

"Where's your pet turian?" Wrex called over his shoulder. He had foot lead on her, and she couldn't keep up. She knew he had a grudging respect for Garrus, though he'd never say it to his face. "If I remember right, you two were almost attached at the hip." He stopped at the peak of the ruined building, giving her the chance to close the gap. "Where's the drell, for that matter."

When Wrex said "walk," Qynn assumed he meant just that, a walk. Instead, they were hiking into the mostly unoccupied area behind the main settlement of the Urdnot tribe. They clamored over the remains of an office complex where she imagined krogans once sat behind desk, crunching numbers and buying and selling stock. She had trouble wrapping her head around the idea of them doing anything other than living for the thrill of the fight. It didn't make any sense to her; and apparently it hadn't made sense to them either. If she'd known she would be stumbling in the wilderness she wouldn't have spent most of the previous night drinking. _Again_. She knew she'd never find the answers to her problems in the bottom of a bottle, but sometimes she had no other alternative but to try. Now, she was paying the price.

Qynn bent over beside him, her hands braced against her metal-plated thighs as she greedily sucked in a mouthfuls of air, her cramping stomach making the already difficult task even harder. Blinking back tears of pain and frustration, she peered up at him. She wanted to delay this part of the conversation, but Wrex had never been one for mincing words. He had a knack for delving straight into the heart of the matter and Qynn couldn't decide if she appreciated or hated it. "They're… around."

"Uh huh." He crossed his arms over his chest. She knew he'd rather she got straight to the point, but he was being affable for her sake. It was a difficult thing to talk about with someone who wasn't involved, but that was the reason she was here in the first place.

She didn't want to talk to Kelly and risk rumors spreading like wildfire throughout the ship. Kelly could put on her professional hat when she needed to, but far too often, she slipped and mentioned _nonessential_ information on the other crew members in passing.

They trio was giving each other space; a good plan in theory, but it was turning out bite her in the ass. The ride down in the Kodiak had been lonesome without them. Grunt had made his fair share of noise, but it wasn't the same. They'd come down in an earlier trip, both saying they had business to take care of, but on Tuchanka, Qynn couldn't imagine what it was.

Straightening to her full height, she looked out over the ruins of krogan civilization, giving what she hoped was a thoughtful expression. She needed another minute to gather up the courage to start this conversation. It would be like having the sex talk with her father all over again, rest his soul, but she needed advice. Aside from the other two involved, she couldn't think of anyone else she could ask who wouldn't judge her other than Wrex. "We're having a bit of a situation."

Wrex huffed. "Well that goes without saying. What? Are they fighting over you?"

"Not exactly." She rubbed her arm out of habit, though she couldn't feel the reassuring pressure through the thick layers of armor. "It's more the opposite." The warlord turned to face her, a roughly scaled brow lifted, but he said nothing.

"Let me start from the beginning."

/*/*/*/

"What's this all about?" Qynn asked as she sat on the edge of the bed, bending to remove her boots. Her attempt at nonchalance fell short, as he noticed the tensing of her shoulders. Garrus sat on the end of the couch opposite her, staying as far from her as possible. His gaze roamed over Thane's personal effects strewn throughout, but didn't let it fall on Qynn or Thane. That, in itself, told of their current state of affairs. The chance to talk to them both couldn't have come at a better time.

"There seems to be a strange tension between the both of you." With that, both of their heads snapped up in attention. "I think it would be prudent to address it while we have the chance."

"'While we have the chance?' That's cryptic, even for you," Garrus said as he leaned back against the couch. His taloned hands smoothed over the leather surface, suddenly fascinated by the texture.

"You know I don't like guessing games," Qynn said as she finally straightened. "What's this about?"

"I know that you and Vakarian have feelings for one another."

Qynn's mouth opened as if to reply, but then snapped shut. She repeated this several times, giving her the appearance of a fish gasping for breath. Thane bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing aloud. He filed the memory away for another time, when it would be more appropriate.

"Let's not jump to conclusions," Garrus fired back, rising to the bait. "Whoever said that we have _feelings_ for each other?" The former detective protested far too much for his claim to be true. He was trying to convince himself more than the other people in the room.

"It was apparent to anyone with eyes that something was developing long before I became part of the equation. Some things transcend the barriers between the species; it was only a matter of time before something started to take root. But for whatever reason, you tried to let it die.

"I was aware of all of this when we started to explore our feelings for each other, siha." He punctuated the statement by turning his full attention to her. "I'm not so self-absorbed as to think that my feelings would erase what was already there. At the time, I felt that the matter wasn't my concern; but now it is."

The lack of denial was as good as a confession, though Thane did not need either to know that his accusations were correct. Qynn squirmed, visibly unsettled.

"Do you deny that you care for her?" Thane fixed him with a hard stare from across the cabin, and to his credit, Garrus did not look away. The sound of his breathing quickening seemed magnified in the stillness of the cabin. "Do you care for Qynn?" Thane asked again.

Garrus' gaze lighted on the Spectre, his jaw clenched shut. He held her eyes before he let his sights drift towards the floor. Shoulders heaving with a heavy sigh, he turned his face up to toward them. "I do."

Qynn started to cough violently and Thane broke the standoff and rushed to her side. He thumped against her back to clear the blocked airway. Apparently, this was news to her. Their liaison must have ended in her rejection, yet she kept some part of him locked away in her mind. He didn't need her to repeat what he already knew.

"There's only one solution, really," he paused, searching his memory for the proper term. "A triad."  
Garrus cocked his head to the side, in a curious gesture. "A _what_?"

Recovered, Qynn took Thane's face in her hands and turned it towards her. She pressed the back of her hand against his forehead before touching it with her own. A human test for fever, Thane recalled. So she knew what it meant. He fought to keep his face impassive with the realization that his siha now thought that he'd gone mad. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I assure you that I am well, siha." He smoothed her untamed hair away from her face. Worry creased her forehead as she peered into his eyes, her own lit with a frantic light. "Do not misunderstand. I do not intend to step aside, only to give you to him. I merely propose that you have both. If you wish for this to be, I will allow it."

"I'm calling Mordin." Qynn rose from her seat, headed for her terminal.

"Is what I suggest so odd?" Thane called after her. "Surely, the concept of an 'open-relationship' exists in both of your cultures?"

"It does, I just never gave much thought to actually being in one," the Spectre began to pace, dragging through her tangle of hair. "This is a lot to process right now."

"Of course you've never thought of it," Garrus interjected, jaws flapping with agitation. "That's got to be one of the craziest things I've ever heard."

"It's no more 'crazy' than the having an array of different species on a Cerberus vessel, fighting for humanity. No one here is that noble. We are all here for various reasons. I would allow this for my own reasons."

"_That_ and _this_ are two very different things!" Garrus groused. It was clear that he was struggling with some inner conflict. "This—It just isn't done."

"It would not be the first time any of us have done things that defied the norm." Thane felt sympathy for him. Not only had his feelings that he'd thought secret exposed, and now his belief system was being turned on its head. "It is only a suggestion, Garrus. No one would force you to participate. In the end, the decision is siha's." They both looked to Qynn, whose face was pinched with pain.

"I'll need to give it some thought." She pressed her fingers to her temples; her eyes squeezed shut against the onset of a migraine. "We should all take a step back and really think about this, wait until we all have our heads on straight and approach this again later."

Normally, Thane would have moved to help her, but in this case it was better to just comply with her wishes. He moved towards the door, the surly turian in tow. Only time would tell how this played out.

/*/*/*/

Garrus wasn't a fan of the krogan home world, and he knew the krogans weren't fond of turians, but a chance to leave the ship was one he had to take. The Urdnot clan was always looking to thin the numbers of the small mammalian menace that threatened their food supply and Garrus needed a distraction. Blowing the little buggers to hell with the heavy turret had been entertaining for a while, but it lacked the finesse he was used to with the sniper rifle. After checking in with the clan to let them know he'd be on their land, he headed out, setting up his gear atop a hill overlooking the camp.

From this vantage point, he had a clear view of the storehouses and the path the creeps used to gain access. He stretched out, prone on the leeward side of the hill, not bothering to secure proper cover. He fixed the butt of his rifle against his shoulder and felt the familiar rush of adrenaline pricked the back of his neck as he saw his first target. One of the little buggers was running full tilt towards an open door, unawares. He lined up the shot and slowly squeezed the trigger on his Mantis. The rifle cracked and an instant later, the pyjak went down with the greater part of its cranium missing. He grinned, pleased with his aim. Not everyone could hit a target that small from this distance.

This was the type of "blowing off steam" he should have mentioned to Qynn. Spirits, why had he told her that story in the first place? If he hadn't told her that lewd story in the first place, they might not even be here right now. He was sure it hadn't been the only reason they'd started to take their relationship further, but he knew it hadn't helped matters any.

"Excellent shot," a familiar voice called from behind him and it took all he had not to groan aloud.  
"Thanks," he groused, not bothering to meet at the assassin as he addressed him. He could hear Thane setting up his own gear. They'd come down in the drop ship together, but he hadn't seen him since. Garrus hoped in vain that he had something else to occupy his time, but here he was.

"It appears great minds think alike," Thane offered, and Garrus tried not to bristle.

"Not on everything." The words were off his tongue before he could stop them and he cursed, wishing he'd bit them off. Thane had only been doing what he thought was right at the time, it wasn't his fault that the whole crazy idea had fallen to pieces. Qynn was avoiding both of them now, so at least they were on even footing. Quickly, he tried to change gears. "Let me ask you something, Thane."

"Of course," Thane replied as he crouched to the floor and stretching out lengthwise some feet to Garrus' left. He waited until the assassin found a position that was comfortable before he continued.  
"If I gave some serious thought to this proposed _arrangement_, and I'm not saying I am," he added, trying to convince himself. "Why would you agree to this? What do you get out of it?"

Garrus couldn't understand what benefit there could be in letting another person bed his companion unless it was some sort of kink. Thane didn't strike Garrus as the type, but what did he know? There was always the risk of someone being a _favorite_ or someone else feeling left out. If he did go along with it, how the hell was it supposed to work anyway? He'd have three days out of the week and Thane the other four?

The thundering of Thane's rifle echoed throughout the valley. Garrus sighted down the barrel of his gun and watched as another primate went down. Thane grunted, low in his throat. "I get her happiness." A quick twitch of the finger, and another unfortunate pyjak met its end.

He glanced at the drell who chucked deep in his throat, though he never took his eyes from the scope. "Things don't always have to be as complicated as you seem to like to make them. You don't need to have anyone's approval to do what you feel is right. Was that not the case on the Omega?"

Garrus' mandibles stiffened at the mention of the lowest point in his life. He wondered if Qynn had told him or if he used his own devices. Either way, it didn't matter now. "And where did that get me?"

Truth be told, the idea didn't sound so bad. He could be with Qynn, he didn't have to worry about Thane dropping down from the ducts trying to kill him, and everyone was happy. Or it would dissolve into a mess that tore the three apart. No pressure. "You still didn't answer my question."

He lowered his gun and watched as Thane picked off a few more frantic pyjacks in quick succession. Sleeping alone after sharing a bed for so long could really wear on a guy. The drell paused, and turned to Garrus. "I am not trying to pressure you. I simply wanted to come to a resolution that suited us all before something happened that could not be taken back.

"Splitting my time with Qynn does not bother me as much as sneaking behind my back would." He sat up, brushing a fine dust from his torso. He wanted Garrus' full attention, and he waited expectantly while Garrus rolled to his knees. "It would be foolish to think that excising you from her life was possible. You are a crucial part of it. And so are her feelings for you. I think that if she felt she did not have to deny her feelings, her time with me would be mine alone.

"I am not so selfless."

Now he was speaking in terms that Garrus could understand; giving to get. It was a sentiment he was intimately familiar with.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but how would this even work in the first place?"


	10. Sometimes You Talk Too Much

The downtrodden commander plodded back to the landing zone, her mood significantly sourer than when she'd arrived on this hunk of rock. This whole trip had been a colossal waste of time.  
Krogans were more concerned with the task of procreating and replenishing their numbers, than cultivating deep, emotional relationships. They were capable of having romantic relationships, as demonstrated by the youngster mooning over his asari girlfriend she'd seen on Illium, and then again when she landed, but it was rare between krogan. It didn't make sense to get attached; if a mating was unsuccessful, they'd both have to move on and try again with other partners.

In the end, Wrex had told Qynn that she already knew what she wanted to do. She was just fishing for reassurances and he had none to give. She should just pick one or both or even none. Either way, it didn't really matter to him.

"If you really can't decide, have them fight it out and take the winner," Wrex called to her retreating back as she left the heart of the camp. "We can charge admission and split the take right down the middle. Everyone wins!"

If she _knew_ what she wanted, she wouldn't have come in the first place. She couldn't imagine her life without either Garrus or Thane in it. It would be like having cookies with no milk. It wasn't something she was willing to do. At this point accepting both seemed like the easily the most appealing option, but it was also the least practical. The way Garrus had reacted to the very suggestion an unconventional relationship didn't make it a viable option. Not that he could be blamed for it. Hell, two years ago _she_ wouldn't have been game for being involved with one alien, let alone a two of them, but people change, circumstances change.

If there was no way for everyone to be happy, then they would all just have to be unhappy. It was the only way that she could be fair to both of them. She couldn't pick one only to ignore the feelings of the other. She'd have neither. Down the line, when they all got over their old hurts, they'd be able to work together as a team again. But it would take time.

She climbed into the Kodiak, already resigned to a lonely ride, to find the very pair she had been fretting over. They were embroiled in conversation, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder; the scene was chummy, considering the tension that had been present the last time they were all in the same room. She wanted to wedge in between them on the small bench, but she was unsure of the reaction she'd get.

"Siha," Thane greeted her as she dropped down on the bench opposite the duo. "Will Grunt be joining us?"

It took Qynn longer than it should have to understand what was asked. The innocent question conjured up some disturbing imagery: A tangle of limbs in a darkened room; some drell, some turian… krogan. She shook her head violently to dispel the dark thoughts. "No, we'll be coming back for him in a couple of days."

Garrus coughed, trying to camouflage a snort of laughter. Of course he would have noticed her hesitation. It wouldn't have been hard to guess where her mind had gone and judging by the quirk of his lips, Thane had too.

Once he'd composed himself, Garrus rapped against the wall behind him. "Take us up."

The doors of the craft sealed shut and it shuddered to life. This was the first time that they'd all been in the same space in days and all she could focus on was how awkward it felt. Every time she tried to speak, the only words that came were the ones she least wanted to say. She knew she should just say it and get it out of the way so that the healing could begin, like ripping off a band-aid.

"I think I've reached a decision."

"Can it wait?" Garrus cut across, catching her gaze with his. He inclined his head towards the cockpit where Jeff Moreau was probably listening in. "The walls have eyes."

Though endearing, sometimes Garrus' attempts at human turns of phrase made her head hurt. "You mean ears?"

"Somewhere private would be more suitable," Thane added. They'd been doing some bonding and now Qynn was the odd man out. She didn't think she liked that.

"Alright, my quarters private enough?"

Thane looked to Garrus who nodded in agreement. Yeah, Qynn definitely did not like this new found camaraderie.

They parted ways in the docking bay; Qynn making a bee-line for her room while the assassin and the officer stayed behind. Quickly, she stripped out of her armor and settled in with her recent bedmate; a half empty bottle of tequila. The alcohol seared her throat and made her eyes water; a fitting punishment for getting into this mess in the first place. The Thessian Sunfish swam in a tight circuit, oblivious and unaware of their owner's turmoil.

She sighed as she refilled her glass. If she was going to get through this, she'd need help.

/*/*/*/

Why was he so nervous?

They'd spent hours looking at this from all angles, over-analyzing all the different nuances and potential pitfalls, but at the end of it all, they'd reached a middle-ground. All that was left was talking to Qynn and tell her how they felt about it all. Simple, in theory, but talking about doing something and actually committing to it were two different things.

The elevator reached the floor and Thane stepped off. He stopped short of the cabin door. "Are you not coming?"

Garrus' feet were rooted to the floor. The small voice in the back of his head still protested him being here. He could walk away right now and let that be his answer. He could hold up in his room until they landed at a turian friendly port and flee to some distant part of the galaxy, never to be heard from again.

"The worst she can happen is that she declines," Thane whispered. "Then we'll just have to go back to how things were before any of this happened as best we can." He was as composed as usual, at least on the outside. There was no way to tell what was going on in that head of his. Garrus didn't know how he did it.

He had the most to lose; he was the one who was actually _with_ her. If this didn't pan out, they might both be returning to their quarters alone, all their talks coming to nothing. That he could be so confident made Garrus feel foolish. He stepped over the threshold and the doors slid closed behind him as the elevator began its decent to the lower floors, cutting off his escape.

He stood beside Thane now, forcing air in through his nose and releasing it through his mouth. After a few moments, Garrus nodded to his companion.

They opened the door to find their commander wearing and outfit similar to the one she'd worn last time she came down to the battery, minus one crucial feature: pants. She stretched across the bed, bare legs and toes pointed towards the ceiling. Her skin caught the dim light and she seemed to almost glow.

Reflexively, Garrus tried to look anywhere but at her, unsure of if it was appropriate to gawk with Thane in the room. "Should we come back later?" His eyes fixed on a spot on the ceiling.  
At the sound of his voice, Qynn rolled over onto her belly and quickly pushed up to her knees. Her legs tangled in the sheets, she stumbled as she tried to put her feet on the floor.

"You've been drinking, siha," Thane said with an air of admonishment? Amusement? Garrus couldn't tell for sure, perhaps a bit of both.

"Maybe a little." She staggered forward, the tips of her long, thin fingers brushing against the glass of the fish tank as she approached. "I was getting myself ready to tell you—"

"How about we go first?" Garrus blurted. He was pretty sure of what she wanted to say, so he had to beat her to the punch.

"We've come to an agreement of sorts," Thane held her steady, but kept her at arm's length.  
"We?" Qynn asked, confusion furrowing her brow.

"Garrus and myself."

"We've been doing some talking," That was an understatement. They'd spent hours going over it until they agreed on terms that might work. "And I'm up for this whole, 'triad' thing if you are." The word was hard to wrap his mind around as was the whole idea. During his time alone, he figured, what did he have to lose?

Qynn turned her bleary gaze on him. "What changed?"

Garrus had been wrestling with that question himself. His kneejerk response had been to reject that idea. A relationship should only be between two individuals. That's what he knew, it was the status quo. That's what was familiar to him, but she wasn't familiar. He'd ended up in this position in the first place because he was so concerned with what was considered normal. No matter how he tried to deny it, that was the truth and he regretted it every day. He wouldn't pass her up again. "It just makes sense."

The subtle quiver of his jaw as he spoke annoyed him. He wished he could inject some of the confidence he felt into his words. "We're able to work together as a team when we're out there risking our lives, why shouldn't we be able to make this work?" It was a hypothetical question, and it didn't offend him when no answer came.

"Nothing would have to change. It wouldn't have to be anyone's business other than the three of us, unless you wanted it to be. The whole thing is just about us being honest with ourselves.  
"It's still a crazy idea when you get down to it." He wasn't supposed to put her _off_ the idea, damn it.  
"The matter now rests in your hands, siha." Thane stopped him before he wedged his taloned foot further into his mouth. "We'll understand if you need more time to think."

There it was out, all the cards on the table, no more running or pretending. This was it and Garrus couldn't have been more terrified. It was all up to Qynn and he couldn't get a read on her. The anxiety was almost as bad as the ride up. He wished she would say something, anything so he wouldn't be left to his own devices.

Without warning Qynn went to Thane and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her fingers traded the intricate pattern of scales on his skull as their bodies seemed to meld into each other. She pressed her lips to his and Thane was caught by surprise. Garrus didn't think he was ever surprised. He hesitated, seeming as if he was going to try to remove her, but Garrus watched as his will slowly dissolved. It was strange to see from the outside. The whole act was strange, but he couldn't look away from it.  
Of course, Garrus had seen beings _kiss_ before. He'd cleared his fair share of lovers from the Presidium after hours and of course he'd seen it in vids. Clean ones. But seeing it close-up like this was something else.

Thane's arms wrapped around Qynn and his hands traveled down her back. They smoothed over her rounded cheeks, and he gave them a hearty squeeze. Garrus' mouth went dry as she moaned against. This… this was—

His plates began to shift with his excitement and he suddenly felt naked and exposed. Unsure if that was the desired effect, he turned away.

He should go. Clearly she wasn't of the right mind to be having this conversation and… something soft and moist make contact with the soft skin of his throat. Those long tapered fingers rasped just underneath his fringe sending surges warmth through him. She had apparently done some research of her own. He didn't stop himself from laying his hands on her forearms and letting them drift to her shoulders. Smooth, just like he thought it'd be.

He chanced a glance at Thane, who was splayed leisurely across the couch, his coat lay beside him, discarded. At least he hadn't tried to kill him, yet. That was a good sign.

Emboldened, he let his hands move down her shoulders and over her waist, much thicker than what he was used to. His hands rounded her hips and he couldn't help but give them an experimental squeeze. They gave under the pressure. She might have ruined him for turian women forever.  
He lowered his face to her neck, greedily inhaling her scent. "I wanted to tell yo—u." Her hands went straight to his groin, her palm rubbed over his swollen length, teasing him through the material of his clothes.

"Sometimes you talk too much."

/*/*/*/

He had been content to just watch as events unfolded, at first. The sight of Qynn and Garrus had been amusing. While unplanned, their "getting acquainted" was well within their agreed upon terms; when one of them was to be with her, the other had to be informed. Not that they'd gotten that far, but if this was her answer, there would be time for going over the details later.

He considered leaving, to give them privacy, but they didn't seem bothered by his presence. If it wasn't an intrusion, he would stay, out of curiosity. Garrus wasted no time in stripping her of whatever scant clothing she had left. The turian seemed eager to indulge his curiosity about her skin, testing to see if she was smooth everywhere. Thane knew he would not be disappointed.

He recalled their first time together. It was a new experience for the two of them, but they were both eager to learn. He'd shown her the benefits of being with a drell, and she showed him the advantages of being with a human.

He was starting to slip back into the memory, when he felt a familiar weight on his thighs. Qynn was upon him, her hands gliding over the thick layers of leather that covered them, coming to rest on his zipper. He glanced over her to see an unclothed Garrus kneeling behind her, running his hands along her bare back.

She grasped Thane's chin between her thumb and forefinger and brought his attention back to her. She caught his lips in another brief kiss as her free hand made quick work of his fly. She stroked his quickly stiffening length firmly, never taking her mouth from his. Her breath hitched, and her nails bit into his thighs as their other partner entered her. Her gaze locked with Thane's; she wanted him to be a part of this.

Qynn wriggled down, trying to find a more comfortable position. Her rump was forced back against Garrus and the turian let out a low growl, his clawed hands tightening on her hips, expressing his need for movement. He seemed to devolve into something more feral, primal. Qynn answered him by pushing back against him, her hands had a tight purchase on Thane's hips.  
Thane fondled her breasts, dexterous fingers teasing the peak to tightness. She gave a muffled moan and quickened her pace, pushing back against Garrus who seemed to have trouble keeping up. He wrapped his arms around her waist, his tongue lashing out to lick at the nape of her neck. His breathing became more labored as he nipped at her shoulder, but didn't bare his teeth.

Garrus had the presence of mind to not climax inside her and quickly pulled out before the event, collapsing on his hindquarters. No sooner had he left her body, than she was rising from knees and mounting Thane. She'd settled in his lap, her back to him while she faced out towards Garrus. She arched backward, her sweat slicked skin against his own, her tousled hair teasing the skin of his throat. If there was a way to share herself equally between them, he had no doubt Qynn would find it.  
He smoothed his hands along her sides and over her hips, their joined bodies on full display before Garrus, who watched with rapt attention, finishing what they had started. Thane's fingers found her clit and teased the tender flesh, sending small shockwaves through Qynn's body.

With each thrust and careful ministration of his fingers, Qynn's cries became louder, more desperate as did Thane's need for his own end.

"Siha," he whispered against her neck, letting his tone hint to his urgency, the way she liked. "Sing for me." She gasped as her body was rocked by her own climax, the tightening of her inner muscles coaxing his release from her as well.

They lay there panting, as Garrus too had gone notably quiet. Qynn eased off of his lap and down onto the floor beside the spent turian. She held her hand out to Thane, beckoning him down as well.

/*/*/*/

As she lay there; sweaty and content, she realized that for the first time in weeks she felt satisfied.  
Things had gotten out of hand. Her initial plan to tell them it was all or nothing had dissolved when they'd both shown up at her door, together. They could collaborate, they could make this work, and if what just happened was any indication, it wouldn't be as hard as she thought.

She spotted her abandoned bottle of tequila rolling underneath the bed, its contents sloshing back and forth. She smirked; she never could make it past one glass, but they didn't need to know that.


	11. Xeno  Epilogue

"The commander's ready to see you now," the perky redhead told Kaidan with a dazzling smile. "You can go right in."

_Finally. _He'd been waiting on his ship for more than an hour, and he'd been pacing the command center for at least thirty minutes. He spent most of the time quizzing Joker on what they'd been up to and where they'd been, though he knew most of the answers already. He tried not to show too much of an interest in what Qynn had been up to, tried to not seem too concerned, but it was obvious he was still wondering about her well-being.

He figured what transpired between them was no secret, but at least Joker was being tactful about the whole thing. When he finally turned to go, Joker called after him. "Be careful, commander. She's not who she used to be."

That much was obvious right off the bat. The old Qynn wouldn't have made him sweat for so long.  
He passed through the armory, the officer there nodded at his presence, but otherwise said nothing.

He entered the comm room to find the commander holding a conversation with the peculiar purple globe of light that was the ship's AI. EDI was its name if Kaidan recalled correctly. If he hadn't heard it arguing with Joker earlier, he would have thought she was crazy. Cerberus had all kinds of things hidden up its sleeve.

Qynn looked away from the table and the ball of light dimmed. "Well look who it is. I never thought you'd willingly come aboard."

"I figured, since I was in the neighborhood, I might as well drop by and see how the war effort was going." This was far from accurate. As soon as he'd gotten back from assignment, he'd requisitioned resources he'd need to track her down. He'd been putting off talking to her long enough, and he felt like they needed to do this in person.

"It's going, which is more than I could have said a month ago." She took up a datapad from the table and skimmed it. "I've been pretty busy with the people you've sent my way."

"I didn't do much." He rubbed the back of his neck with a hand. He hadn't done any of that to try to get in her good graces; he done what he needed to. "Some people just wanted the truth and I gave it to them."

"If Anderson hadn't told me he heard from you, I would have thought you were ignoring me."  
After Horizon, he wasn't sure he wanted to talk to her again, but when she'd sent him that email, with irrefutable proof and of course had it checked for its authenticity, he knew he had to do something, even if he wasn't ready to talk to her yet. He'd passed her footage along, enlisting the help of anyone who would listen. She must have gotten a slew of communications from people in all parts of Alliance brass, but none from him.

"I'm sorry about that. I had a lot on my mind and all."

Qynn shook her head, raising her hands to stop him. "Don't worry about it. It's all water under the bridge. I'm pretty sure we're all on the same page now." She raised a brow inquisitively, as if inviting any objection. He had none.

"C'mon. Let me show you around."

Joker wasn't kidding when he said she had changed. She wasn't the same person he'd fought Saren and the geth with more than two years ago. She seemed more confident, more sure and at the same time, more relaxed. She hadn't bothered to put on her uniform to receive him, not that he had any right to complain. She didn't have didn't have to impress him, and this wasn't an Alliance ship. He didn't know what had happened when they'd gone through the relay, but it had made her a new person. Or maybe it was the new man in her life.

In her letter, she said that she had moved on and he was genuinely happy for her. She deserved to be happy. It was good that someone had been there for her he couldn't be. _More like when he wouldn't._

He felt better about letting her go, now that he knew she was doing so well, but his masculine pride wouldn't let him leave this ship until he found out who replaced him.

She'd taken him down into the belly of the ship and introduced him to some of the crew, the ones who had been willing to talk anyway. "So they rebuilt the Normandy." He commented, awestruck. It was twice as big, he could tell that from the outside, but it didn't prepare him for the shock inside. It looked similar, but it was more than twice the size of the original. There was a lot more space, a lot more room. "She's nothing like how I remember."

"Any changes made were an improvement," Qynn said. "Trust me."

"Are we still talking about the ship here?"

"Here's the mess hall." She pressed on, acting as if she didn't hear the last question. "Fully stocked, comes with a decent cook. Wish we had one of these on the old Normandy."

"Speaking of the old Normandy, is Garrus around?"

"Yeah, he's in the battery just up ahead." She pointed to the set of doors on the other side of the mess hall.

"Mind if I stop in for a bit?"

She eyed him skeptically but shrugged. "Meet me at the elevator when you're ready."

Once Kadain made it to the battery doors, they slid open and he was greeted by a familiar turian silhouette.

"I wasn't expecting to see you so soon." He called over his shoulder, an underlying rumble in his voice.

Kaidan coughed, uncomfortable with being the target of his misplaced ardor. "I don't think I'm who you're expecting."

"Kaidan?" Garrus glanced over his shoulder.

"Long time to see." It wasn't that long. He had been there when he and Qynn had their falling out and Kaidan hoped he didn't harbor any ill feelings. He made it no secret that he didn't agree with what Kaidan had decided to do. In fact, the turian looked like he wanted to hurt him.

"What brings you here?" Garrus asked; he didn't sound particularly hostile, but he didn't sound friendly either. He was still sore.

"Just following up on the people and info I sent Qynn's way." He thought he could see the turian bristle, as he turned his attention back to his console.

"Wouldn't a _message_ have been quicker?" He added undue inflection to the words. She'd told him about that, huh?

"So Qynn's been keeping you pretty busy?" He needed a way to segue this conversation to find out what he wanted to know, but small talk wasn't exactly his forte. Especially not with someone who obviously didn't want to be talking to him.

Garrus' shoulders shook with laughter. "You could say that…" The words hung in the air between them, oddly.

"What can I do for you, Lieutenant?" A slip, he knew Kaidan had been promoted to Commander. "I've got to get back to work."

"Alright, Garrus. You win. I'll leave." He threw his hands up in a sign of defeat. "Just let me ask you one thing." With a sigh, the turian wheeled around again, his arms crossed over his chest. He waited silently. "You and Qynn were pretty close—"

"_Are_ pretty close," Garrus corrected.

"Since you guys _are_ so close, do you know who she's seeing now?"

Kaidan had never heard a turian snort with laughter, and it wasn't a pleasant sound. "She didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Then I'm not going to tell you." Garrus said with a derisive shake of his head. "She must not have told you for a reason and you know how she gets when she's mad." He turned away, waving Kaidan away. "The last thing I want is to get her angry."

_Well that was pointless._

The few Cerberus crewman scattered about the floor watched him as he passed through unattended. Most of them were former Alliance men and women who didn't like how the organization did things. His presence was unwanted, but they seemed to tolerate him for the time being, on Shepard's orders.

Kaidan arrived at the elevator to find the commander plus one; a stately looking drell. He was drawn up to his full height, hands clasped behind his back. He nodded at Kaidan's approach.

"Thane, this is Commander Alenko of the Alliance. Kaidan this is Thane Krios."

Kaidan extended his hand, and was surprised when the drell enclosed it in a tight, almost painful grip. Fathomless black eyes met Kaidan's own and made him feel disquieted to say the least. "Alenko. Qynn has told me much about you."

So she was Qynn to him, huh? Was everyone on the ship on a first name basis with her?

"Krios… Why does that name sound so familiar?"

"I'm sure you've probably heard of him by reputation. He's was an assassin for the hanar."

"An assassin?" He'd heard stories about an assassin going about Citadel space snuffing out the lives of the unjust, but he thought they were just myths, or people blowing smoke. It didn't seem too smart to make a man who would stand out so much an assassin, yet here he was, meeting the man in the flesh.

"I've recently retired my services. I only act at the commander's need of me." The drell said smoothly, and Kaidan thought he saw a flush cover her cheeks.

They piled into the elevator and rode it to the command center together. Kaidan and Qynn exited and the drell stayed aboard while the lift continued upward. As far as Kaidan knew, there wasn't anything up there but the commander's quarters. _What business could he have up there…?_

_Oh._

Realization dawned on him and he looked at his tour guide, eyes wide with disbelief. _She's gone xeno_.

"Kaidan?"

So she'd jumped sides. The savior of humanity was boinking an alien. If there was ever proof of her ideals diverging from Cerberus', this was it.

"Kaidan." Her hand was on his shoulder, trying to get his attention, shaking him.

"Huh?"

"I have some things I need to take care of, so I have to go. You can hang around longer if you need to, but I won't be available for some time." She gave him a chaste pat on the back. "We should meet up again soon, and have a nice long chat."

"Right, no problem." And just like that she left him standing beside Joker's chair. He watched her go, confusion etched on his face.

"She let you down easy?" the pilot gibed, trying not to look too amused by Kaidan's predicament and failing.

"Something like that." Kaidan chuckled to himself, smoothing a hand across the back of his neck. "I can't believe it."

"I told you she's changed," Joker chastised, his hands neatly tucked behind his head as he reclined in his pilot's chair.

"I never would have thought: Her, with an alien? The drell?"

Joker laughed, "The drell I can understand, seeing as he's kind of human shaped, but Garrus?"

"Come again?"

"Shit." Too late Joker realized he said too much. He pulled his cap down over his eyes to shrink, but Kaidan wasn't going to let it go.

"What do you mean _Garrus_? How can she be with _both_ of them, Jeff?" It all made sense now. They were close, alright, closer than he wanted to think about right now.

"That's what I wondered at first, then I realized I really don't want to know the mechanics of it. But somehow, the three of them found a way to make it work."

Kaidan's head was spinning. "I-I should go." He made his way towards the airlock, trying to keep his hands from shaking. He knew that he had no say in the matter, but the idea of the three of them sent shivers down his spine.

One day, he and Qynn would have to have a nice long talk about the matter. Friend-to-friend. But today was not that day.

_If you've made it this far, I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. ;) -M_


End file.
